trying to move on
by essebes
Summary: Mcgee was kidnapped for two months. What happend in the two months he was gone? Can he try and get on with his old life? Or will this keep haunting him.  WARNING: CONTAINS RAPE AND VIOLENCE
1. Chapter 1

**Hello! This is my second NCIS story. I've had this idea in my head for a while now and now I've finally decided to write it down. :)**

**My native language is not English so I maybe will make some grammar mistakes. If someone would like to beta-read for me I would really love that! :)**

**Well, enough with my rambling. :) Let's see the story.**

**Disclaimer: I DO NOT own NCIS or it's characters. I'm only borrowing them for this story. And I'm not making any money out of this. **

**Warning: There WILL be some graphic stuff in this story, so I'm warning you. If you don't like reading stuff like that, then don't read this story. I will have some warnings in the chapters that will contain the graphic stuff, but I'm already warning so people don't get mad at me. :)**

**Well, enjoy! :)**

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><p>In a faint distant he heard: "NCIS! Drop your weapons!."<p>

"Were they here?" He thought desperately. That couldn't be. He was in this horrible place for so long, that it almost seemed unreal.

He was so tired, that it took all his strength to open his eyes.

He tried looking around to see where they were. He almost felt his heart drop when he didn't see anyone. "Was it a dream then?" he thought hopelessly.

His teammates didn't come to rescue him. It was just his imagination. He felt a tear sliding down his face. This wasn't the first time he dreamed that they were actually here. Every time he would wake up and find that it was just a dream. But this time was different, the sounds of their voices seemed so real this time.

He felt another tear roll down his face.

But then suddenly the door from the room he was held captive in burst open. He could see the vague shape of someone but he couldn't see who it was. The shape started coming closer.

"No, please don't." he started pleading desperately. He figured that it was one of his captors again. "I can't, not again." But the shape didn't seem to listen, which made him panic even more. "Please!" he screamed now. He started pulling on the restraints that tied him to the bed he was lying on. His hands were tied above his head, they had been tied like this since the first time he woke up here. His wrists were bloody and raw from every time he tried to loosen the ropes, but it never had worked. His feet were also tied to each side of the bed. Those ropes have been removed two or three times before. But that was only because his captors said it would be fun to watch him squirm more.

Suddenly the shape, that was now only a few feet away, started talking.

"Mcgee it's okay, it's me Tony."

But Mcgee was stuck in his own memories of every time someone walked in the room. Every time someone walked in, it was one of his captors.

He started struggling his restraints more. "No, please. I, ... I can't." he pleaded again. He was so tired, he really couldn't take anymore.

"Mcgee, listen! It's mee Tony. I won't hurt you." The shape said again.

Then he remembered. "Tony?" he asked carefully. He was afraid that it was just one of his captors playing a joke on him.

"Yes, it's me, Mcgee. I'm going to get you out of here okay. The boss and Ziva are in another room trying to get the people who kidnapped you, okay? They'll be here in a minuite."

Mcgee felt so relieved he didn't know how long he was here, but it felt like an eternity. He just wanted to get out of here so desperately. But suddenly he became aware of how he looked. He only had his underwear on. He didn't want Ziva and his boss to see him like this. He had a lot of injuries to, he felt blood trickling down his side, where one of his captors had stabbed him with a knife.

"Please, I don't want to see me like this." His throat really hurt when he spoke but he really didn't want them to see him like this.

"Mcgee, you don't have to be embarrassed, we're just glad that we found you." Tony said.

Mcgee started to panic. Any moment would his boss and Ziva walk in and see him.

"No! Tony, don't! Please I don't want them to come in here!" he felt hot tears stream down his face again. He started to hyperventilate. It was already bad enough that Tony had already seen him.

"Okay, okay, Mcgee." Tony said calm. "Just breath calmly, I'll go tell them to stay outside. I'll be right back.

He saw Tony leave. He tried getting his breathing under control again.

"I told them. They won't come in." Tony was suddenly back in the room. He walked up to him and started tugging on his restraints at his wrists. "I'm going to get you out of these restraints. Stay calm and don't move them when they're loose." Tony said.

"Tony?" Mcgee said suddenly really scared.

"Yeah, Mcgee?"

"I, … I can't feel my arms anymore."

"That's probably because you were tied up like this for a while. How long have you been tied up like this?"

"Since the first day I was here. They never removed them."

He heard Tony curse in a low voice.

"Tony, how… how long was I here?"

"Okay Mcgee I almost got your wrists free." Tony avoided the question.

"Please, Tony. Just tell me."

"That's not really important right now, okay. You just concentrate on staying awake."

It _really _hurt to talk now, for him. His voice was at his end. But he needed to know how long he was here. "Please," he said in a very raspy and soft voice.

Tony sighted. "Two months," he said finally.

"Okay," Mcgee said. After that he was swallowed in the darkness that had wanted to swallow him since the moment Tony had walked in.


	2. Chapter 2

**Thanks so much for all the alerts and reviews! **

**While writing this chapter I realized something. I suck at hospital scenes. If I did something wrong or you have an idea about how I can make it better, please tell me! I take criticism really well! :)**

**Disclaimer: I DO NOT own NCIS. I'm just borrowing the characters. And I'm not making any mony out of this.**

**Edit: I just rewrote the chapter a little bit. I changed some thing. **

**Special thanks to Xtreme619 for pointing out the mistakes I made! :)**

**Like I said, I take criticism very wel, so if you see mistakes or have tips for me to make it better, please tell me!**

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><p>They were all waiting in the waiting room in the hospital. They had been waiting for almost an five hours now. Abby's eyes were red from crying. Gibbs was really silent while he was drinking his seventh coffee. Ducky was trying to get information from one of the nurses about Mcgee but they wouldn't tell him anything. They only told them that there would be a doctor to come to talk to them as soon as possible. Ziva had fallen asleep in her chair, because she hadn't slept for almost two days. Tony just sat there. Really silent, not really knowing what to do.<p>

They had searched for Mcgee almost non-stop for the past two months. They took turns for sleeping so there always was someone looking for Mcgee. Those two months were horrible. At first they had thought that finding Mcgee was going to be not that hard. But after en week of searching they still hadn't found anything.

Everyone had dealt with Mcgee being gone in his own way.

Abby cried a lot. Ducky stopped telling story's anymore. He was just really quiet. Ziva almost stopped sleeping. Gibbs had to push her out of the building a couple of times to get her to go home and sleep. Gibbs was madder then ever. He kept yelling at everyone. Even when they didn't do anything wrong.

Tony stopped making jokes. At the beginning when they were all optimistic about finding Mcgee, he kept making jokes, but after a week even he saw that there were serious problems. He knew he always was playing pranks on Mcgee, but he did see him as his little brother. He cared for him. He just didn't show it. And not knowing where he was or even if he _was _alive made him feel like he was going crazy. He couldn't bare the thought that he might loose the closest thing he had to a little brother.

And when he found Mcgee tied to that bed, he almost threw up. It was so horrible to see him like that. But he knew he had to stay strong, just for the sake of Mcgee.

"Family of Mr. Mcgee?" they suddenly heard.

They all jumped up from their seats and ran to the doctor.

Tony was the first to speak. "How is he?"

"Are you Mr. Mcgee's family?" he asked suspiciously.

"Tony, did you call Sarah?" asked Gibbs.

"Yes, I did, she should be here any minute."

"I'm here!" they suddenly heard.

Sarah came running. "I'm sorry," she started.

"Never mind," Gibbs said quickly.

"Are you family of Mr. Mcgee?" the doctor asked.

"Yes, I'm Sarah Mcgee. I'm his sister."

"I need you to come with me so I can explain everything to you."

"Can't you tell us here?" she asked.

"I'm sorry this is information I can only tell Mr. Mcgee's family," he said.

She wanted to ask why, but a glare from Gibbs told her that she should stop talking and to just follow the doctor.

She silently walked away.

A half an hour later she was back. Her eyes were red from crying. Abby quickly walked over to her and gave her a hug. Everybody walked over to her.

"What did he tell you?" Tony was again the first to speak.

"But-"

"Look I don't care what the doctor said. We should know this, so we can help him." Gibbs said stopping hre in her sentence.

"Well, considering the circumstances, he physically is going to be just fine. He had a stab wound to his side, which wasn't very deep so it only needed to be stitched. He had some internal bleeding but they managed to stop that with the surgery they just did. He had a lot of whip marks on his whole body, but those should heal very well in some time too."

Everybody felt very relieved that Mcgee physically would be okay, but they all didn't miss what Sarah just said. She only said that he would be physically fine, but what about psychologically?

"They also found that Tim was... was.." Tear started rolling over Sarah's face.

"They also found that he was r-r-raped."

No one knew what to say. They stood there too shocked to say or do something.

"I.. I .. I need to go and get some fresh air," a sobbing Abby said. She silently walked away.

"Can we see him?" Gibbs asked.

"Yes, but only two people at a time" Sarah said.

"Sarah you should go first, you're his sister," Gibbs said. "And I'll go with you, if that's okay with you."

"Sure," Sarah said.

They started walking away, then suddenly she stopped. "Wait," she said.

"I just remembered something."

"You must also know that they had to restrain him. A few minutes before the doctor came to you, he woke up. But he kept thinking that they were going to hurt him. So he started hitting the nurses, and the doctor."

"He did also tore some of his stitches. A nurse should be done stitching them again."

Gibbs and Sarah walked away.

Everybody sat down again. Ziva went outside to look for Abby.

A few minuets later Sarah and Gibbs came back. Sarah was crying.

"Did something happen?" asked a concerned Ducky.

"He woke up and just freaked out." said a sad Gibbs. "He kept telling us not to hurt him anymore. And then something weird happened. He started calling Tony, to help him."

They all looked confused to Tony.

"Me?" he asked confused. "Why would he ask for me."

"I think it might have to do something with the fact that you're the one that found him. You were the first person in a long period of time that didn't come to hurt him." Ducky said.

"The doctor and a few nurses are trying to calm him down. They made us leave the room."

"Anthony I think it would be very helpful if you would go see Timothy. Without someone else." Ducky said. "Maybe that'll calm him down."

Tony felt a little bit shocked. He slowly stood up. He didn't say anything. He silently walked away.

He walked into the room. He heard Mcgee calling him. He felt tears prickling in his eyes. It really hurt hear Mcgee so scared.

He quickly walked in the room. Mcgee was surrounded with nurses and a doctor trying to calm him down. He didn't hesitate a second. He walked over to Mcgee. He put his hand on Mcgee shoulder.

"No! Go away, please. Please, stop! It hurts!" There we tears streaming over Mcgee's face. He was tugging on the restraints holding him to the bed.

"Mcgee," he said calmly so he wouldn't scare Mcgee.

"Mcgee, wake up. It's a dream, you're safe now. No one can hurt you anymore."

But Mcgee didn't seem to hear him. He kept screaming to his invisible attacker.

"Please stop!"

"Mcgee, wake up! It's me Tony!" Tony said in a louder voice so Mcgee would hear him.

Suddenly Mcgee stopped moving. He turned his head to Tony. He looked like he was thinking, like he was trying to figure out who this was.

"T-Tony?" he said hesitantly.

"Yeah, it's me. You're safe now. You're in the hospital nobody can hurt you anymore. We caught the bad guys."

Mcgee seemed to relax a little bit. But then he looked down at his wrists and saw that he was restraint to the bed.

"W-w-why do I h-have these?"

"It's so you can't hurt yourself."

"No, no please take them off," suddenly there were tears running down mcgee's face again. He started to panic again.

"Please, take them off! No, no, no!"

Tony started rubbing his hand on Mcgee's shoulder so he would calm down.

Why would he panic about the restraints? He thought. The doctor would probably remove them in a day or two.

But then he remembered what Mcgee had said to him. He was tied up for two months straight, of course he would panic if he now was tied up again.

"Mcgee, no one's going to hurt you. You're not in that place anymore."

Mcgee suddenly was very aware of how many people were in the room. He started hyperventilating.

"Mcgee, calm down. Just try to breath with me."

He started breathing really slowly to show Mcgee what to do and Mcgee followed his example.

He doctor saw that Mcgee was panicking because of him and the nurses. So he and the nurses left the room.

"Better, Mcgee? They're gone."

"I'm sorry," Mcgee said.

"What are you sorry for?"

"They had to leave because of me. I'm sorry, I don't know why I'm being so stupid."

"You were kidnapped for two months, you have every right to be a little scared around people."

"But I'm not just a little scared. When I saw them I actually thought they were going to hurt me."

Mcgee had his face to the other side so Tony couldn't see him, but Tony could see the tears running down his face.

"Mcgee, listen to me. You just experienced something horrible. You were kidnapped for two months. The only people you saw were your kidnappers. And those weren't exactly the nicest people. So it's normal for you to be scared now. It's nothing to be ashamed off. Nobody's mad at you. The only ones were mad at are the people who did this to you. We will all help you to overcome this."

Mcgee quietly nodded.

"Mcgee I need you to look at me now," Tony said. He needed to make sure that Mcgee understood that it wasn't his fault.

Mcgee first didn't move. But after a few seconds he slowly started turning around. Mcgee's face was wet with tears. Tony's heart broke when he saw that.

"It's not your fault, Mcgee," he said again. "Do you understand that?"

Mcgee nodded.

He saw that Mcgee was trying to hold the tears in. But he shouldn't do that. He didn't want Mcgee to bottle this up.

He looked around to see if there was a doctor or nurse coming. When he didn't see anyone he quickly removed the restraints.

Mcgee looked confused. "What are you-"

He got cut off when Tony sat down on his bed and put his arms around Mcgee.

"Tony what are you doing?" He started to pull Tony of, but then suddenly the tears started coming again. Then it turned in to sobbing. He put his face on Tony's shoulder. Everything that happened in the past two months came rushing to him. He started crying and he felt like he couldn't stop anymore.

Tony knew this was what Mcgee needed. He needed to let it all out. So he held Mcgee. He didn't know how long they were in that position. But he wasn't going to let go until Mcgee was done.


	3. Chapter 3

**Thank you so much for the reviews and alerts! :)**

**This isn't a big chapter, but I felt that the chapter was just right like this. **

**Special thanks to datura070 voor BETA reading!**

**Disclaimer: Still don't own NCIS. :(**

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><p>McGee had fallen asleep in Tony's arms from exhaustion. Tony sat on the chair next to McGee's bed, and held his hand. He had tried to let go of his hand, but even though McGee was sleeping he maintained his tight hold on to Tony's hand. It was like he was afraid that if he let go of Tony's hand, he would disappear. Tony knew that he probably should put McGee's restraints back on. But he couldn't do it.<p>

He looked at his watch and saw that visiting hours were almost over. Just as he thought that, a nurse came walking in the room.

"Visiting hours are over. I have to ask you to go home." She whispered so she wouldn't wake McGee.

"Can't I stay? I think that it's better if I stay here," he whispered back. He looked at his hand which was holding McGee's hand.

"You removed his restraints?" she asked angrily.

"Yes, I did. Did you know that he was kidnapped for two months? And while he was there he was tied up? They never even once removed the restraints. And now, after he's finally been rescued from that horrible place, you want to restrain him?" Tony was getting really mad now.

The nurse looked mad too.

"I'm going to get the doctor," she said angrily. And with that she walked out of the room.

He sighed. Suddenly, McGee started moving. He looked at McGee. He looked like he was having a nightmare.

"No, please don't!" McGee suddenly screamed. "Please stop!"

McGee started thrashing around in his bed, and tears started rolling over his face.

Tony quickly stood up and put his other hand, the one that wasn't holding McGee's, on McGee's shoulder.

"McGee, wake up. You're having a nightmare." But McGee didn't seem to hear him.

He gently started shaking McGee so he would wake up.

"McGee, listen to me. Open your eyes."

Suddenly McGee stopped moving. He slowly opened his eyes. When he saw Tony, he seemed to relax a little bit.

"Tony?" he said with a soft voice. "You're still here."

"Of course I am, McGee. Why would I leave?"

McGee was silent.

"Listen, I know I probably don't show it much. And I know I tease you a lot, but I still care about you. I won't leave you. As long as you need me, I will be here."

"Thank you," McGee said, his voice staying low, while the tears still streamed over his face.

"Go back to sleep McGee. When you wake up, I still will be here. I promise."

"I'm afraid," McGee said. "Every time I close my eyes I see them. I see them coming, to take me again. I can't go back to sleep."

Tony didn't know what to say. He didn't really deal with things like this.

"Don't be afraid. Every time a nightmare starts, I will wake you up. And I won't let go of your hand. I don't care if I have to do this for months, I will help you trough these nights for as long as it takes. So don't worry. You just go to sleep, and if you have a nightmare, I'll be here to help you."

McGee seemed a little satisfied.

Tony gave McGee an encouraging squeeze of his hand. McGee closed his eyes again and seemed to be sleeping in seconds.

Suddenly, he heard a sound. When he looked up he saw McGee's doctor and the nurse that had left a few minutes earlier. They were standing in the doorway. The doctor told the nurse something. She nodded and left.

"I should tell you that you should leave," he whispered so as to not wake the slumbering McGee.

Just as Tony went to protest, the doctor cut him off.

"That's what I should do. But that wouldn't be the right thing to do. I saw how Mr. McGee was only comfortable with you around. And it would be better than just restraining him. So I'm going to allow you to stay here, with him."

Tony smiled, happy that this wouldn't be a problem.

"When is he going to be released from the hospital?" he whispered.

"Luckily, his injuries aren't too bad, so he should be good to go in about two days," the doctor whispered.

"Thank you," Tony quickly whispered before the doctor left.

He looked at McGee. Although he was sleeping, he didn't look like he was having a very peaceful sleep. He began stirring in his bed.

Tony quickly got up from his chair and put his hand on McGee's head, and started softly brushing his hand across his hair, to comfort him.

"It's okay McGee, I'm here. You're safe," he kept saying that over and over until McGee fell back into a deep sleep again.

Tony started removing his hand from McGee's head, but suddenly McGee started moaning,

so he left his hand on his head. He looked around, searching for a place to seat himself, since he'd rather not stand there all night. So he softly sat down on the bed, next to McGee. He tried moving very slowly, so McGee wouldn't wake up.

He knew this would be a long night. But that didn't matter to him. His only concern was McGee. So he sat there. Every time McGee had a nightmare, he would comfort him.

He was going to keep his promise to McGee. When McGee would wake up, he would still be there.


	4. Chapter 4

**Hello! :)**

**Sorry for the long delay!**

**I'm not really sure about this chapter, so please tell me if you think I did something wrong. **

**The next chapter or so, should the 'real' story start. ;) In which some 'exciting' things will happen. ;)**

**disclaimer: I don't own NCIS!**

**Edit: I rewrote the chapter, because I made some mistakes. :) I hope this is better.**

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><p>Two days had passed since McGee had first been admitted to the hospital. Tony had stayed the entire time. He was tired and hadn't slept very well in those two days. McGee had so many nightmares, that it was almost impossible for him to have a few hours of sleep.<p>

Gibbs had tried to tell him to go home and get some sleep, but he couldn't leave McGee alone. Even when Gibbs offered to stay with McGee while he was gone, McGee was still only comfortable with him around.

The doctor just finished checking McGee the last time before he was cleared to go home.

"You're all set to go home, Mr. McGee," the doctor said.

The doctor walked to the door. Before he left the room, he looked at Tony and gave him a look that said: _I need to speak to you._

"McGee, I'm going outside for a minute. I'll be right back," Tony murmured.

"Where are you going?" a scared McGee asked.

"I'll be right there in front of the door. I just need to do something. If there's something wrong you can call me, okay?"

McGee nodded quietly. Tony walked out of the room to the doctor who was standing just outside.

"What did you want to tell me?" Tony asked.

"It's about Mr. McGee. Physically, he is fine, and he doesn't need to stay in the hospital anymore. But I don't think that he should be alone. You and I both know that he isn't mentally ready for that."

Tony didn't know what to say. He hadn't even thought about that. He felt so stupid! He was with McGee for the past two days, and he didn't even think about the fact that McGee wasn't ready to be alone in his house.

"Eh.."

"That's what I thought," the doctor said. "If I may, I think It's best if he stays with you. But of course that is a decision you should make for yourself."

"Yes, that is a good idea," he said, happy that the doctor had thought of a solution.

"If there's nothing else, I would like to go back to McGee," Tony said.

"No, that's all." And with that the doctor left.

He went back into the room. The bed where McGee had been was empty.

"McGee?" he asked in an alarmed tone.

He suddenly saw him curled up in the corner of the room. He was sitting on the ground in tears with his arms around his legs.

Tony quickly ran up to him. "Tim, what's wrong?" he asked, his voice still holding a tinge of alarm. He used his first name, hoping it would make Tim more comfortable.

McGee kept staring at the floor.

Tony laid his hand on McGee's back. McGee flinched a little when he touched him, but he was used to that now. Even though McGee did trust him, he still flinched a little even when Tony was the one touching him.

"I-I-I feel s-so stupid," McGee whimpered, still sobbing.

"Why?" Tony asked.

"I'm so sorry," Tim repeated. He lifted his head and looked at Tony. He looked terrified.

Tony was getting more and more confused. What had happened in the two minutes he was gone?

"Tim, what happened?" he asked. He decided to keep calling him Tim. Calling him McGee might sound like he wanted to distance himself from him.

"A-after y-you left, I got scared. I thought t-that you w-weren't coming b-back. I-I know you said you would b-be right o-outside the door. B-but I still got scared. I do trust you, but sometimes I s-still think that y-you're going t-to leave," Tim said sobbing.

"You shouldn't be sorry for that, Tim."

He pulled Tim in a hug. "I would never leave you. You're like my little brother. I'm staying with you as long as you need me," he said.

Tim kept sobbing on his shoulder. Tony held him until he stopped crying.

"S-so you're not mad?" Tim sniffed.

"Of course not Tim."

They sat on the floor in silence for a few minutes.

Tony stood up and grabbed Tim's hand and pulled him up. "Come on, you need to get dressed," he said in a cheerful tone.

"But I don't have any clothes here," Tim said.

"That's why I asked Abby to pick up some clothes from your apartment for you," he said while picking up a bag from the floor.

Tony handed Tim the bag.

XxXxXxXxX

"Are you ready to go?" Tony asked when Tim was dressed. Tim nodded.

They went down to Tony's car. The ride home was silent. After a while Tim noticed that they weren't going to his house.

"Tony, this is not the way to my house," he said.

"I know. It's because we're not going to your house. We're going to my house. You're staying at my house for a while."

"But, I don't want to bother you, with me being around all the time."

"Tim, listen. I told you that I was going to help you. I'm not leaving you alone. You're not bothering me. And you know me, if I'm bothered by something, you'll know," he said smiling, while trying to lighten the mood a little.

"Thanks, Tony," Tim said in a soft voice.

The rest of the ride to Tony's apartment was quiet.

When they got to Tony's home they ordered pizza and watched a movie. They didn't talk a lot. Tony had tried to get Tim to talk about what happened, but McGee seemed to not want to tell him yet. He wasn't going to push it, so he just left it at that.

When it was time for bed, Tony didn't really know where to let Tim sleep. He only had one bedroom. Then, he remembered he had a mattress. He could sleep on that and Tim could sleep on the bed.

"Okay, you can sleep on the bed, and I'll sleep on the floor," Tony said.

"Shouldn't I sleep on the floor? It's your bed," Tim said hesitantly.

"No, I don't mind sleeping on the floor. Besides, I've got an extra mattress," Tony said. Suddenly Tony saw tears in Tim's eyes. He was about to cry. Did he say something wrong?

"Tim, what's wrong?"

Tim silently shook his head.

"Tim, whatever it is, you can tell me."

"It's just that, I don't want to sleep in a bed."

Tony looked at him confused. 'Why wouldn't he want to sleep in a bed?' he thought.

Suddenly Tony remembered that Tim had been tied to a bed for two months.

He should've given himself a head-slap right now, for forgetting something like that.

"But in the hospital you were lying in a bed too," Tony said.

"Yes, I didn't tell you because I was scared to tell you, since I thought that you would think I was acting like a child."

"No, of course I wouldn't think that Tim," Tony said. "Everybody's afraid sometimes."

"No, that's not true!" Tim suddenly screamed. "You, Gibbs and Ziva, wouldn't be scared. So why should I?"

Tony sighted. He didn't know how to respond to that. He was quiet for a few seconds.

"No, you're not right, Tim," Tony started. "If it was Gibbs, Ziva, or myself, we would be scared too. No one can come back from something like that and be fine."

"You're just saying that so I don't feel bad about being scared," Tim said, still angry.

"No, I'm not. No one is judging you for that. You shouldn't be so hard on yourself."

Tim looked back to the floor again.

"Tim, look at me," Tony said in a more stern voice. Tim shook his head. Tony walked over to Tim and cupped Tim's face in his hand to make Tim look at him.

"Tim, listen to me. You are not doing anything wrong. And you shouldn't feel like you're acting like a child. I'm trying to help you. But if you keep being afraid of me judging you, I can't help you."

The tears in Tim's eyes started rolling down on his face.

Tony pulled him into a hug. Tim silently cried on his shoulder. When Tim was done crying he let go of him.

"Would it help if you told me what happened to you while being kidnapped?" Tony asked hoping Tim would want to tell him this time.

"I'm sorry," Tim said. "I don't feel like I'm ready."

Tony decided that maybe if he pushed it a little bit, Tim would tell him.

"I think that if you tell me, it'll make you feel better."

"No, Tony. Please don't make me tell you," Tim said in a heartbreaking sad voice.

Tony sighted. Tim was right. It was only three days since he was back. It was too early.

"So is it okay if I sleep on the mattress?" Tim asked trying to change the subject.

"Tell you what Tim. I'll sleep next to you on the bed. Every time you feel scared, I'll help you." Tony didn't want Tim avoiding his fears. Tim probably wouldn't like it now, but in the long run, this was going to help him.

"Come on, I'll help you," Tony grabbed Tim's hand. "Try and sit down on the bed."

Tim looked at Tony with fear in his eyes. "Tony, I… I can't,"

"Yes you can, Tim. I'm here to help."

Tim took a few shaky breaths and then slowly started lowering himself down to the bed. He was holding Tony's hand with such a strong grip that Tony felt like his hand was going to fall off. But he didn't say anything.

When McGee finally sat down on the bed, his eyes were closed tight, and his breathing quickened. He was close to hyperventilating.

Tony lowered down and sat on his knees so he would be in Tim's eyesight. "Tim, open your eyes and look at me," he said, "Breath slowly and open your eyes."

Tim slowly opened his eyes. But as soon as they were open, tears started falling down.

"It's okay Tim, I'm here, and nothing's going to happen to you. You're safe here."

Tim nodded. They stayed in that position for about ten minutes.

"I-I think I'm ready to lie down," Tim said suddenly.

When Tim was finally lying down, Tony went to the other side of the bed, and laid down next to him.  
>Tim turned around so he was facing Tony. To Tony, he looked very tired.<p>

"Goodnight Tim. And remember, you can wake me at any time if you need anything."

"Thanks, and goodnight, Tony."

Tony closed his eyes. Suddenly he felt Tim shifting position. He didn't think anything of it, until suddenly he felt Tim cuddling up to him. Tim's face was now on Tony's chest.

When he felt his t-shirt getting wet, he realized that Tim was crying. He didn't say anything. He just put his arm around him and pulled him closer.

And that's how they laid, until they were both asleep.

XxXxXxXxXxX

Outside of Tony's apartment there was a man standing alone.

The man pulled a phone from his pocket and started dialing a number.

When the person on the other side picked up he said, "I found him."


	5. Chapter 5

**Thanks soooooooo much for all the story alerts en reviews! Thank you, thank you, thank you! :)**

**Sorry for the long wait! It took me some time to write this chapter. I knew what I wanted to do with this chapter, but I didn't know how to write it.**

**Disclaimer: Still don't own NCIS. :'(**

**Edit: Sorry! I just keep forgetting to upload the version that my BETA-reader sent me. :P This is the good one. :)**

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><p>"Tony, Tony wake up!" Tony was pulled out of a deep sleep.<p>

"Mmhhmm.." he replied. He was too tired to open his eyes. Tim had had so many nightmares last night. He had probably only slept for three hours. He figured that Tim was having a nightmare again, so he put his arm on Tim's back, and started rubbing his hand in circles.

"It's okay. You're safe now," he mumbled while still half sleeping.

He felt Tim brush his hand away.

"What? No, I'm not having a nightmare," Tim said. "It's 10 A.M. Shouldn't you be at work? Gibbs will kill you!"

Noticing how panicked Tim was, he opened his eyes and sat up in the bed.

"I'm not going to work," he replied to Tim. "I took some time off."

"What? Why?" Tim asked confused.

"To stay with you. I thought it was better not to leave you alone."

"But-" Tim started but Tony cut him off.

"Stop thinking that you're a burden," Tony said. "I'm doing this because I want to. Now come on, let's get some breakfast."

xXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

Half an hour later, after they showered and changed clothes, both finally settled down in the kitchen to eat.

Tony noticed how Tim tried to avoid looking at him, and realized that Tim looked ashamed. He kept staring at is food, and didn't look up once.

"Tim?" he asked.

"Yes?" Tim replied without looking up.

"You know you don't have be ashamed of what happened last night, right?"

Tim didn't say anything. He kept staring at his food.

"Tim, look at me."

Tim shook his head.

"Tim, is it about last night? Come on. What happened last night was nothing to be ashamed of. You just had nightmares."

Tim still didn't look up.

"It's not like you tried to kiss me while lying next to me," Tony said with a smirk.

Tim finally looked up.

"I.. I feel bad for cuddling up to you like that," he said with a sigh.

"Why would you feel bad about that? It made you feel more comfortable. I'm not bothered by it, why would you be?"

"I don't know. It feels weird."

Tony sighted. This was harder than he thought it would be. Tim needed to see a psychiatrist. There was only so much he could do for him.

"Tim, listen. I don't feel weird about it. I care about you, and if you feel safer like that, then so be it. I don't mind, so you shouldn't either," he said.

Tim gave him a little smile.

When the phone rang in the living room, Tony stood up and walked to get it.

"DiNozzo."

"Hey Tony, how's McGee?"

"Hey Abby. Well, he's as good as to be expected."

"I was wondering if Gibbs, Ziva, and I could stop by for a minute. I wanted to come over without calling, but Gibbs told me that I should call first."

"I don't know. Let me ask him."

He walked to the kitchen with the phone in his hand.

"Hey Tim, you up for some visitors? Gibbs, Ziva and Abby would like to come over."

"I… I.. I don't know," Tim hesitated. He looked very frightened by the idea.

"They'll only be here for a few minutes. They just want to see you since they haven't in a while."

"Okay," Tim replied, still not looking very sure.

Tony walked back into the living room.

"You can come, but only for a few minutes."

"But, Tony-" Abby started.

"No, Abby. I know normally you and Tim are very close, but you have to understand that it's different now."

He heard Abby sigh. "Okay, we'll be at your place around eight."

"Okay, bye Abby."

"Bye."

Tony sighed while he put the phone back on the table. He hoped that Abby understood that if she didn't watch out, she could really scare or hurt Tim.

The rest of the day went by quickly. Tim was on his computer all day and Tony watched some movies.

They ate Chinese, and while eating they didn't talk to each other much.

In the evening, when Tony finished his fourth movie, he remembered that he should probably tell Tim that he needed to make an appointment with a psychiatrist.

"Tim," he said.

"Hmm.." Tim said without looking up from the computer.

"There's something we need to talk about. We need to make an appointment for you with a psychiatrist."

Now he had Tim's attention.

"What? Why?" Tim looked horrified by the idea.

"It's to help you recover better. I'm trying to help you as much as I can, but I'm no professional."

"But… but I don't want to," Tim said, still looking horrified, "I don't want to tell some stranger what happened."

"I know it may sound difficult, but it's something you need to do."

"But I don't want to. You can't force me."

Tony sighted. Tim was right, he couldn't force him. What could he do to get Tim to listen to him?

"Tim, you shouldn't avoid talking about it. I know you probably want to forget everything as fast as you can, but that's not how it works. Would it make you feel better if you told me first?"

"I.. I don't know. I just don't want to tell anyone," Tim replied in a soft voice.

"I know, but that's not an option. You have to talk to someone about it. I already told you, you don't have to be ashamed. Whatever happened is not your fault."

"But don't you already know what happened? Didn't the doctor tell you?"

"Yes, he did tell us a little. But you know that's not the same thing. He only told us what injuries you had. And what he thought might have happened that caused those injuries."

Tim didn't say anything. He hesitantly got up from the chair he was in and sat down on the far end of the couch that Tony was sitting on. As far away from Tony as possible.

"It's just that… I want to tell someone, but I can't. I feel like I'm going to explode if I don't tell anyone, but at the same time I'm afraid for the reactions I'm going to get."

Tony didn't say anything. He wanted to let Tim say what he wanted to say.

"I'm just so confused. Things are so different now. When Gibbs and Sarah came in my room in the hospital the other time, I was terrified. I knew Gibbs and Sarah wouldn't hurt me, but I couldn't help but feel terrified of what they were going to do. When I looked at Sarah I could see the hurt in her eyes. And I understand why. Her own brother was scared of her. The brother she always loved, was scared of her. And Gibbs, he just looked so disappointed. I know that I screwed up, but it hurt me to see him look so disappointed."

Tears started rolling down Tim's face.

"I just…. I hate my life right now. I spent two months trying not to die and trying to keep myself believing that you would come and save me at any moment. And now that you have saved me, I'm not so sure anymore that it's what I want."

Tony was shocked. He hadn't expected that. He now realized that the damage was more that he had thought.

"Tim-" he started, but was cut off by Tim.

"No. Don't tell me that it's okay to be scared. Or that it will get better eventually. Because it will not. Everybody is worrying about me. I'm keeping everyone from doing their job. I mean, you even had to take some time off for me! Everybody probably hates me right now, for being so stupid. If I just wouldn't have let myself get kidnapped nothing would have happened. This is all my fault! You should be at work right now. Having fun catching the bad guys, but you're here."

Tim kept talking faster and faster. "I'm so sorry, Tony."

Tim's breathing started speeding up too. "I need to get out of here. I can't stay." He said while he stood up and started franticly walking around in the living room.

"I'm so sorry, Tony," he repeated. " I'm just not as strong as you are. I can't do this. I'll just pack my stuff and go home."

He ran off to the bedroom.

Tony sat in shock on the couch for a few minutes before he ran off to the bedroom also. When he walked in he saw Tim trying to get all his clothes in his bag. But because they weren't folded up they weren't fitting. Tim didn't seem to realize that. He was pushing them, trying to fit them in anyway.

"Tim, stop," Tony said while walking slowly to Tim.

"Don't worry Tony. I'll be out of here as soon as I can. I just need to get everything in here," Tim said, while still pushing the clothes into the bag.

"Why won't they fit?" he suddenly sreamed, "It just needs to fit so I can go home. So I can sleep in my own bed. And when I wake up in the morning, everything will be okay. I can return to work and everything will be back to how it was."

"Tim!" Tony said in a loud voice, trying to get Tim's attention.

Tim looked up. His face was wet with tears.

"Why won't it fit?" he asked in a shaky voice. "I just want things to go back to normal."

"Oh, Tim," Tony said, walking over to Tim and pulling him into a hug.

"No Tony, let go," Tim said while trying to push Tony away, "I just need to get my clothes in the bag."

"No, Tim. I won't let go," Tony said, pulling Tim in tighter.

Then suddenly Tim stopped pushing. It was silent for a few moments before Tim broke down. He started crying whole heartedly.

He stopped trying to push Tony away, instead holding on to Tony tightly.

Tony didn't say anything. He just rubbed his hand in circles on Tim's back.

After a while Tim stopped crying, he was just sobbing.

"I-I just want e-everything to g-go back t-to normal," Tim sobbed.

"I know," Tony said.

"I-I can't do this anymore. I know it's only been four days, but I already feel so tired," Tim said, still sobbing.

"You have to know that the team and I will help you. You don't have to do this alone. Every time you feel that you want to stop, you just remember that we're all here to help you through this," Tony said, while trying to keep himself from crying with Tim.

Tim nodded silently.

Tony wanted to let go of Tim, but he could feel that Tim was still clinging to him. So he held him until he felt that Tim was ready to let go. They stood there for about ten minutes before he felt Tim take a deep breath and let go.

"Tim, you also need to know that Gibbs wasn't disappointed in you. He was disappointed in himself. The whole time you were gone he kept thinking that it was somehow his fault that all this happened. That was the reason he looked disappointed. He was not disappointed in you. And I'm sure the only reason that Sarah looked hurt was because she felt bad for you. You're her brother, of course she would be sad about you being hurt. She cares about you. She isn't mad at you, she's just sad that you were hurt."

Tim nodded. He gave Tony a watery smile and said, "Thanks Tony."

Tony looked at his watch. In about five minutes the team would be here.

"Tim, should I call Abby and tell her not to come?" he asked.

When he saw Tim hesitating he said, "If you don't want them to com,e I'll just call them. It's not a big deal. They would understand."

"No, it's okay. They can still come," Tim said.

"Okay, but the moment you get too uncomfortable, you just tell me, okay?"

"Okay," Tim replied.

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxX

When the doorbell rang five minutes later, he saw Tim tense a little. He stood up to walk to the door. Tim followed him. Before he opened the door, he saw Tim quickly stand behind him, between him and the wall.

When he opened the door Abby practically jumped inside.

"Where's Tim?" she asked, excited. When she saw Tim behind Tony she opened her arms and started walking over to Tim to give him a hug.

"Timmy!"

Tony felt Tim trying to hide from Abby behind him. So he quickly put out his arms in an attempt to stop Abby.

"What?" she asked confused.

Tony didn't say anything. He only gave her a look that said no.

Before Abby could protest anymore. Gibbs walked inside. He put a hand on Abby's shoulder and gave her a look that said just stop.

She knew better then to argue with Gibbs on this, so she lowered her arms.

"Hi Timmy," she said with a smile.

"Hi Abby," Tim replied in a shaky voice.

Ziva walked in last. She gave Tim a smile. "Hello McGee."

"Hello, Ziva," Tim replied.

"Palmer and Ducky aren't coming?" Tony asked.

"No, they still had some things to do. They couldn't leave," Ziva replied.

They walked to the living room, where they all sat down. Tim had managed to squirm himself between Tony and the armrest of the couch.

Tony looked at Tim. He looked terrified. So he put his hand on Tim's lap to reassure him.

There was an awkward silence. No one knew what to say. Even Gibbs, the guy who always knew what to say, was silent this time.

"So, how are things at NCIS without me? It's probably very boring, now that I'm not around to make things fun," Tony said, while trying to start a conversation.

It worked, and he started a discussion with Ziva. She was saying how she liked that it was so silent now. But soon that conversation came to an end, and again no one knew what to say.

But then Gibbs decided to just ask the question that had been bugging all of them.

"So, McGee, how are you?"

"I-I'm fine," Tim said, staring at his feet.

Everybody was looking at Tim now. They didn't believe him, but they didn't say anything. Again, Gibbs was the person to say what everybody's thoughts were.

"McGee, we all know that's not true. You don't have to put a tough act up for us."

Tim kept staring at his feet. Tony could see that this was getting to much for him.

He still had his hand on Tim's lap and gave it a reassuring squeeze.

Tim leaned in closer to Tony.

"Tony?" Tim whispered.

"Yeah?"

"Remember that you told me that they wouldn't stay long. And that if I was too uncomfortable to tell you?"

"Okay, I'll take care of it. You just go to the bedroom."

Tim nodded and stoop up and walked away.

When the door to the bedroom was closed Tony turned back to Ziva, Gibbs and Abby.

He was just going to explain what happened but Gibbs interrupted him.

"You don't have to explain DiNozzo. I just want to know, how bad?"

Tony sighted. "It's bad. He thought that you were disappointed in him for getting himself kidnapped. He has like twenty nightmares a night. And the worst thing is that he thought it would've been better if he wasn't saved at all. He feels like he's keeping us from doing our job, because we were worrying about him."

"No!" Abby said shocked. "That's not true. Why would he feel like that?"

Everybody was quiet for moment.

"Should we go talk to him and tell him that it's not true?" Ziva asked.

"No, I don't think that'll help right now. I was going to make an appointment for him with a psychiatrist, but I don't know if he wants to."

"So what do we do?" asked Ziva.

"I don't know," Tony replied with a sigh.

Tony looked at the now closed door to the bedroom where Tim was.

Gibbs saw the worried look Tony had while looking at the door.

"I think it's best if we leave then," Gibbs said while standing up.

Ziva and Abby followed his example.

Before Gibbs walked out the door he said, "If you need any help, you just call me."

And with that he left.

When the door closed, Tim walked back into the living room.

"I heard the door close," he explained, when Tony gave him a questioning look.

The rest of the evening went by quickly. They again didn't talk to each other a lot. Tony could see that Tim was really tired. His eyes kept closing but just before he dozed off, he would quickly open his eyes again. When it was ten 'O clock, Tim was finally asleep on the couch.

"Tim, wake up."

"Mhhmm.." Tim mumbled.

"Come on Tim. Don't make me carry you. I know you lost some weight, but I still don't think I can carry you."

"Tony?" Tim asked while opening his eyes slowly.

"Yeah, come on. We're going to bed," he said, helping Tim get up from the couch.

XxxXxXxXxXxXxXx

"Please don't!"

Tony quickly sat up in his bed and looked at the time. Tim was having a nightmare again. It was only fifteen minutes ago that they went to bed. He felt bad for Tim. He couldn't even sleep for fifteen minutes without having a nightmare. He put his hand on Tim's shoulder and started speaking soothingly.

"Shhh, it's okay. You're safe now. No one can hurt you anymore."

Tim's whimpering stopped. He slowly opened his eyes.

"Tony?"

"Yeah, it's me,"

"I'm sorry."

"Tim, how many times do I have to tell you to stop saying you're sorry. You want me to go tell Gibbs that you're breaking one of his rules?" Tony said.

Tim smiled. "I'm so-, I mean I won't do it again."

"Okay, let's get back to sleep again."

"Tony?"

"Yeah?"

"I want to ask you something. But if you're tired I can ask tomorrow if you want."

"No, I'm not tired. What do you want to ask?"

Tim sat up in the bed and started staring down at his feet.

"Eh, well… I would like to know what happened to the people who kidnapped me. Are they in jail now?"

"Let's see. Two are dead. They didn't want to put their weapons down when we told them. And the other two are now in jail," Tony said. He hoped that this might help Tim feel better. Now that he knew that his captors were dead or in prison. But he couldn't have been more further away from the truth. Suddenly Tim went completely white. He started sweating and breathing really fast.

"H-how many w-were killed, Tony?" Tim asked terrified.

"Just like I told you, two," Tony answered concerned. 'What's going on?' he thought. He just told him that.

"A-and two a-are in jail, r-right?" Tim asked still terrified.

"Yes," Tony said, still not understanding where this was going.

"That means that a total of four captors were caught or are dead," Tim said. He didn't seem to be talking to Tony anymore.

Tim stopped staring at his feet and tilted his head and looked Tony right in the eyes. Tears started rolling down Tim's face.

"I-I wasn't kidnapped by f-four men. T-there w-were five."


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N I'm soooo sorry for taking so long to update! :(**

**It was horrible! I knew EXACTLY what I wanted to do with this chapter, but I had no idea of how to write it. I wrote almost 100000 different versions of this chapter before I wrote this... xD**

**I hope it's good. :)**

**Thanks sooo much for datura070 for being my BETA-reader! :) Without you, no one would understand this story. xD**

**And thank you all sooooooooo much for the reviews, alerts and favorits! :)**

**EDIT: sorry! It kept uploading weird. I hope that it's fixed. :)**

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><p>Tim felt nauseous. 'They didn't catch them all?' he thought horrified. He couldn't go back to that horrible place. He couldn't relive the whole thing again. He remembered the fear he felt the day he was kidnapped.<p>

_Flashback_

Tim was walking from his car to his apartment after a long day at work. They had been very busy with a very big case, and he probably slept for only 3 hours every night. But, after two weeks of working on the case, they finally caught the guy, and had been given 3 days off to rest. Tim was grateful for that, because he didn't know if he would've survived another day at work. He was feeling so tired.  
>But because he was so tired, he didn't notice the man walking behind him. Just when he was about to grab his keys from his bag, he was suddenly grabbed by someone.<p>

_ Tim immediately went for his gun. His hand was grabbed. Looking up confused, he thought, 'how many arms did this guy have?'.  
>Then he saw the two other guys helping his attacker, all wearing black masks.<br>So now it was three against one. But Tim knew better than to give up. So he kicked as hard as he could to get free. But to no avail. The hands holding him seemed like they were made of steel. They wouldn't budge. Tim decided to try a different way of getting free._

_ He opened his mouth to yell for help. But before he could do that, a hand was firmly placed over his mouth.  
>Tim was really starting to panic. It seemed like he wasn't going to get out of this.<em>

_ He felt his hands being pulled behind his back and handcuffs being placed on his wrists. He tried moving his head away from the hand on his mouth. Suddenly, the hand moved away without Tim trying anything._

_ Tim opened his mouth again to try and yell for help, but suddenly there was something placed over his mouth. It felt like duct tape.  
>He was turned around and pushed towards the parking lot. He saw a black van parked with the back doors open. There were two other guys with masks standing next to the doors, making a total of five attackers.<br>He was pushed in the van. But because his hands were both tied behind his back he couldn't do anything to stop himself from falling onto his tied arms. He wanted to groan in pain, but the tape on his mouth prevented him from doing so, resulting in a muffled sound. The doors of the van were closed with a blow._

_ Suddenly he felt the car starting to move.  
>´Where were they taking him? Why were they taking him? What were they going to do to him?' he thought fearfully.<em>

_ He felt his breathing getting faster and faster. But with the tape on his mouth, he could only breath trough his nose, which made it very hard to breath. He tried to force himself to think of something else. It didn't do him any good to panic. So he started trying to get himself into a sitting position, to get the strain of his hands._

_ With some effort he was finally sitting. He now could see clearly how the van looked.  
>He breathing started speeding up again. 'No!' he thought desperately. 'This couldn't be true!'<br>He felt a shiver going through his back._

_ Because the wall he was looking at were covered with newspaper articles.  
>He read the titles:<br>'Five boys gone missing' 'Missing boys still not found' 'Missing boys presumed dead by police'  
>He closed his eyes to stop himself from panicking anymore. All the memories of those dreadful years were coming back. A tear slid down his face.<em>

End flashback

Tim was suddenly aware of someone yelling his name. He was startled out of his thoughts. When he looked up he saw that Tony was the one yelling his name.

At first he was confused to where he was, but then everything slowly returned to him. He was still in Tony's house on Tony's bed. Tony was still sitting next to him on the bed.

He didn't know why, but he all of a sudden lunged himself at Tony. He put his face on Tony's shoulder.

Tears were sliding down his face.  
>"You can't let him take me again. Please don't let that happen," he said sobbing.<br>He felt Tony's hand on his back.  
>"Of course not, Tim. You're safe with me," Tony soothed.<br>Tim suddenly was very aware of what he just did. He quickly pulled himself back, drying his eyes.

"Sorry," he said while looked down. "I don't know where that came from."  
>"What did I tell you about apologizing?" Tony asked.<br>Tim gave a little smile to show him he wouldn't do it anymore.

"So, would you like to tell me what just happened?"  
>Tim looked down again in shame. He didn't really know what he said or did while he was having the flashback.<p>

"First you told me that we didn't catch all the suspects and then you went completely white and for about ten minutes, you were just staring to the wall," Tony said to refresh Tim's memory.

"So, what happened?" Tony asked again when Tim stayed quiet.  
>"I had a flashback," Tim said quietly.<br>"Do you want to talk about it?" Tony asked.  
>Tim shook his head. He didn't want to tell Tony about what happened. And he definitely didn't want to tell him what he found out while he was in the van.<br>"Okay," Tony said, the disappointment in his voice very clear.  
>"But we do have to talk about what you just told me. Are you sure that there were five captors?"<p>

Tim suddenly felt very angry, he didn't know why. "Of course I know it for sure!" he yelled. "Don't you trust me?"  
>Tim fell bile rise up in his throat, and he quickly ran to the bathroom.<br>While he was emptying his stomach in the toilet, he felt a hand being placed on his back. When he was done, he looked up and saw that it was Tony.  
>"Why are you still nice to me?" he asked sadly.<br>"Because I know that you don't mean it. And that you do appreciate what I'm doing for you."  
>Tim looked down in shame. He was being so mean to Tony and he still wanted to help him.<br>"Thank you," he said quietly.

When they heard a doorbell ringing, Tony stood up and left to open the door, while saying: "I'll be right back."  
>While Tony was away, Tim rinsed his mouth with some water. Just when he was finished, he heard Tony calling him to come to the living room.<p>

In the living room he found Tony standing next to Gibbs.  
>"I called him while you were having that flashback," Tony explained when he saw the confused look on Tim's face.<br>"You need to tell Gibbs what you told me. If there really is another suspect out there, you might still be in danger."  
>Tim didn't say anything he just nodded. He still didn't feel very comfortable being around people other than Tony, but he knew Gibbs needed to know this.<p>

They all sat down on the couch. Tim had again managed to squirm himself between Tony and the armrest.  
>There was a silence for a few seconds, before Tony started talking.<br>"Tim? Tell him, he needs to know."

Tim nodded. He hesitantly looked up at Gibbs.  
>He was surprised to see a very concerned look on Gibbs' face.<p>

"Ehm, well, Tony told me you caught four suspects. But I was kidnapped by five," Tim said softly.  
>"Okay," Gibbs said softly, like he was afraid to scare Tim by talking too loud. "I have the case file here with me. There are pictures in here of the suspects we caught. Do you think that if I show you the four pictures that you could tell us who the suspect is we still hadn't caught?"<p>

"B-but I don't know w-who they were!" Tim said shocked that Gibbs seemed to know something. "W-why would you think that?"  
>Did he know? He thought, scared. But how? He hadn't told anyone anything about the two months he was gone. Gibbs couldn't know. But still, if he knew, then he would never be able to look at Gibbs again without feeling ashamed. He wouldn't be able to bare Gibbs' look of disappointment he would give him.<p>

'Maybe he already told Tony?' Tim thought, horrified. If they both knew, then he couldn't stay at Tony's house anymore. He would have to leave. Maybe even quit his job. Maybe he-

"I didn't say you knew them, McGee," Gibbs said, interrupting his thoughts. "I meant that you may know what he looks like. You could talk to a sketch-artist so we know what the person looks like."

"Oh," Tim said, feeling relieved and embarrassed at the same time. He was relieved that Gibbs didn't know anything, but he was also embarrassed because he just yelled at Gibbs.

"So you want me to show you the pictures?" Gibbs asked.

Tim stayed quiet, staring at his feet. What should he say? He was afraid that if he looked at the pictures he would have a panic-attack and embarrass himself in front of Gibbs and Tony.

He hesitantly looked up at Tony.

"Tim, you don't have to do this if you're not ready," he said reassuringly.  
>"But if I don't, you won't know who to look for," he said sadly.<br>"That may be true, but it still was only a couple of days ago that you were kidnapped. You don't have to do this right now, if you don't want to," Tony replied.  
>"No," he said, "I better do it now, to get it over with."<br>"You sure?" Tony asked sounding concerned.  
>"No," he said honestly, "But I want to do it."<p>

He looked up at Gibbs and saw him holding the case-file. He took out four papers and laid them down on the table all lined up next to each other.

Tim looked at the papers. He knew that on the other side were the faces of his nightmares. He put out his trembling hand and put it on the paper. He silently cursed himself for not being able to stop his hand from trembling.

His hand was on the paper. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

Slowly he started turning the paper. When the paper was fully turned around and was now lying face up on the table, he took a couple of breaths, before opening his eyes.

He found himself looking right in the eyes of the first face. 'Mark,' he thought silently in his head. His breath hitched in his throat. He tried calming down, but he couldn't. Flashbacks started playing in his head.

_Flashback_

Tim was startled out of his sleep, when the back of the van opened with a blow.

_He sleepily looked up, and found himself looking at the five masked men. They didn't say anything, they just walked into the van, and pulled him up by his arms._

_ He was pushed out of the van with a hard shove. _

_He tried to keep himself upright, but with his hands tied behind his back, he couldn't do anything. He fell out of the van and onto the ground. He groaned into the tape on his mouth in pain. _

_He was roughly pulled up again and pushed forward. _

_Looking up, Tim saw that they were standing in front of some kind of ranch. He looked around to see if he could recognize where they were, but he didn't. _

_He was pushed inside. _

_He was a bit surprised. The ranch looked really old on the outside, but on the inside, everything looked new. _

_They were standing in a living room, which looked like it was never used. All the furniture looked like it had never been used. Before he could take a good look at the rest of the room he was pushed towards a door on the far left of the room. The door was opened. There were stairs, it looked like some kind of basement. The light was clicked on and he was pushed towards the stairs._

_ While they were walking down the stairs Tim started to remember the newspaper articles in the van. ´Why were they here?' he thought. But before he could give it some more thought, they were standing in the basement. _

_He looked around. It wasn't a very big basement. It was the size of a normal bedroom. The basement was almost empty. There was only a bed in the middle of the room._

_ He was pushed towards the bed, and suddenly he felt the handcuffs being removed from his wrists._

_ He felt relieved for a moment that his hands weren't pulled behind his back so painfully anymore. But that moment of relief was quickly washed away, when he felt that they were tying something around the wrist of his left hand. It felt like a rope._

_ He was suddenly roughly pushed on the bed. Before he could even comprehend what was happening, he was turned to lie on his back and his hands were pulled over his head._

_ Panic started washing over him. He franticly started fighting the hands that were holding his hands above his head. He wanted to yell at them and tell them to let him go, but he was prevented from doing so, with the tape still on his mouth._

_ But he wasn't strong enough. It was five against one. Of course he wasn't going to win. It wasn't really realistic to expect that he was stronger than all five of them, but he still couldn't suppress the feeling of failure. He felt it was his fault that he was in this mess, although logic told him it wasn't his fault._

_ His hand were tied tightly above his head. He tried moving his hands to see how much movement he had. To his dread he could only move them for an inch or so. The ropes were tied too tightly, to prevent any more movement._

_ While he still was franticly trying to free his wrists, he didn't notice that they had tied his feet too. Each foot was tied to one bedpost.  
>When he finally realized that his feet were tied too, he really started panic. He looked up at his captors. They were standing all in a line in front of the bed.<em>

_ 'What is going to happen?' he thought anxiously._

_ It didn't take long before that question was answered._

_All five of the captors started removing their masks._

_ When all five had removed their masks, it didn't take Tim longer than two seconds to realize who those five men were._

_ His breath caught up in his throat and he started to hyperventilate.  
>He looked at the five faces in front of him. <em>

_They all stared at him with a big smile._

_That was the last thing he saw before he passed out._

_End flashback_


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N This chapter has a little bit more of Tony's thoughts again. Next chapter will probably be about Tim's side of the story again. (I think!:))**

**Thanks to my wonderful BETA-reader datura070 who helps me making this mess, readable to people. :)**

**PS. I promised myself NOT to ask for reviews, but I can't keep myself to that promise! Please review! I would love to see everybody's opinion! That way I know what I do good, or what I need to do better. :)**

**Enjoy! :D**

* * *

><p>Tony didn't know what to do. The moment that Tim looked at the picture, he went completely white and stopped moving. He was just staring at the picture.<p>

His eyes looked panicked. When Tony looked a bit longer at Tim's eyes, he seemed to see something else too.

Recognition? No, that couldn't be it. Tim didn't know his captors.

Suddenly Tim started to say something. It started out really soft, but he kept raising his voice until he was screaming.

'No, no, no, no, no!" Tim screamed.

Tony quickly launched into action. He put his hands on Tim's shoulders and started shaking him softly.

"Tim? Tim? You with me?" he asked with a soft voice, so he wouldn't scare Tim.

But Tim didn't seem to hear him. He kept screaming to his invisible attackers.

"Tim! Snap out of it! Come on!" he said, raising his voice a bit, hoping Tim would hear him this time.

"You're safe. You're at my house, with me and Gibbs. No one else is here. It's just a picture."

But Tim still didn't seem to hear Tony.

Tony didn't know what to do. He looked at Gibbs, hoping that he would know what to do. But when he met Gibbs' glance he saw that he was equally at loss of what to do as Tony was.

He turned back to Tim, who still was panicking. He had stopped screaming, and was now breathing really hard, tears rolling down his face.

Tony started to feel himself panicking as well. He quickly tried to calm himself. He wouldn't be any help for Tim if he started panicking too.

"Tim?" he asked again.

Slowly Tim's heavy breathing seemed to slow down.

He blinked a few times and slowly looked up at Tony. He looked confused. It was like he was trying to remember where he was.

"Tim?" Tony asked. "You okay?"

Tim lowered his gaze to his lap and didn't answer Tony. He stayed quiet for a few moments. Then Tony suddenly felt Tim's shoulders shaking underneath his hands, which were still on Tim's shoulders.

It took Tony a moment to realize that Tim was crying.

"Hey," he said. "Look at me."

Tim shook his head.

Tony shook Tim's shoulders softly.

"C'mon, look at me," he said again.

Tim shook his head again. Tony could now hear soft sniffles escaping from Tim's mouth.

"Tim," he said in a more stern voice.

Tim reluctantly lifted his head and looked up at Tony.

What Tony saw almost made his heart skip a beat. Tim looked at him with such a hurt and broken look in his eyes it almost made him tear up too.

He took a few moments to make the lump in his throat go away before he said something.

"Tim, you need to remember that they can't hurt you anymore. And I don't mean just the ones we caught, but the one who's still on the loose too. We will catch him and make him pay for what he did to you."

Tears were sliding down Tim's face. Slowly he started lowering his gaze to his lap again.

But Tony wasn't going to let him. He released one of Tim's shoulders and put his hand under his chin and forced it up, so he would look at him again.

"Stop looking away. You don't need to be ashamed just because you're scared or sad. You have every right to be. But remember that every time you feel sad or scared, you can _always _come to me. And not just me. Everyone on the team would be glad to help you."

Tim looked doubtful.

"Everyone?" he asked with a sad and soft voice.

"Everyone," Tony said confident. He looked at Gibbs, who was still sitting behind him on a chair. Gibbs nodded in agreement.

Tears were still sliding down Tim's face, but he nodded.

"Okay," he said in a shaky voice. "Thanks."

Tony gave Tim an encouraging squeeze in his shoulder.

He stood up.

"I'm going to the kitchen to make us some coffee and then we'll see how we're going to finish this, alright?" he said, hoping Tim wouldn't mind that he was leaving him alone with Gibbs.

Tim reluctantly nodded.

It only took him a couple of minutes to make the coffee. When he was back, he saw that both Gibbs and Tim were still sitting in the same position he left them. He sighed, secretly having hoped that Tim and Gibbs would at least say something to each other. He didn't like Tim being scared of Gibbs.

He felt himself smirking a bit, when he remembered how Tim would always stutter around Gibbs when he first joined the team. He remembered how fun it was to see Tim stumble over his own words every time he talked to Gibbs.

But when he looked at Gibbs and Tim in front of him, he felt the sudden moment of joy he just had disappear. Tim looked like he was going to have another panic attack and Gibbs was looking… well… how Gibbs always looked. He sat down and put the three mugs of coffee on the table. He looked at the row of pictures on the table. He looked at the one picture that was turned.

That was Mark, Tony remembered.

He remembered the day they came to rescue Tim.

_Flashback_

_Finally! They finally had discovered where Tim was. But it wasn't because they had found him through their investigation. They has found him accidentally. That was something that made Tony feel really guilty. But he knew that he shouldn't. They had done everything they could. _

_The first day that Tim didn't show up at work, they assumed that he had just overslept. But Tony immediately had the feeling that something wasn't right. In the eight years that he knew Tim, he hadn't overslept once. _

'_But hey, there's a first for everything!' he told himself. _

_But two hours had passed and there still wasn't any sign of Tim. _

_When they tried to call Tim, he didn't answer. _

_Gibbs had told him after the fifth time of trying to get a hold of Tim to go to his house and 'drag his ass over to NCIS'._

_When he found Tim's house empty, he quickly called Gibbs. _

_After a day of searching for Tim, they still hadn't found him. _

_Then two long months passed, without a sign of Tim. They had searched and interviewed every day, but that still didn't result in anything useful. After two months of searching, the director had told them they had to stop. There were other cases and the other teams needed help. When the director had first told Gibbs to move on to another case Gibbs had looked at Vance with such an intense look that Vance actually looked scared for a second. Vance had told him then, that he would give them only one more day to try and find Tim, before they were going to be forced to move on to other cases. But just like what had happened in the past two months, they didn't find anything. So Vance forced them to move on to another case. Everyone had been furious, but they couldn't do anything against it. _

_Three days after they had started their first case after two months of searching for Tim, they finally discovered where Tim was. _

_Tony and Ziva had gone to interview a witness again for some extra information. The man had been a witness to the murder of a marine when he had been in the mall._

_When they were at the house (it looked like some kind of ranch, actually) they heard something. At first they couldn't really figure out what it was, but when they heard it again, there was no doubt to what they were hearing: Tim. _

_Tim seemed to be moaning. _

_They had tried to leave as casually as possible. Outside of the house they had quickly called Gibbs. When Gibbs was at the ranch too, they went into the house again. With their guns drawn they caught the witness they had just interviewed. With him secured, they went and searched the rest of the house. It wasn't a very big house, so they quickly found the other three suspects. Two didn't want to put down their guns so they had to shoot them. Gibbs and Ziva went to search the house to see if there were more suspects to catch._

_Tony quickly ran to the door in the living room, where they had heard the sound coming from when they were interviewing the witness (now suspect). _

_When he had walked into the basement he had felt his heart skip a beat._

_There was Tim, tied to a bed, looking dirty and really tired. He had his eyes closed. When he started walking towards Tim, his eyes suddenly burst open. _

"_No, please don't" Tim said, with a broken voice._

_Tony felt a pang in his heart. He felt that it was his fault that Tim was in this mess. He felt that he should've found him sooner, although logic told him that it wasn't his fault. _

"_I can't,… not again," Tim said._

_Tony breathed a couple of times to calm himself down and kept walking towards Tim. But that only seemed to make Tim panic even more._

"_Please!" he screamed with a terrified voice._

_Tim started struggling with the bonds that held his wrists to the headboard of the bed._

_"McGee it's okay, it's me Tony," he had said before Tim could really hurt himself._

_But Tim didn't seem to hear him._

_"No, please. I, ... I can't," he pleaded again._

_"McGee, listen! It's me Tony. I won't hurt you," he said. Desperately trying to get Tim to calm down._

_Finally Tim seemed to recognize him._

"_Tony?" he said with a soft, shaky voice._

_"Yes, it's me, McGee. I'm going to get you out of here okay. The boss and Ziva are in another room trying to get the people who kidnapped you, okay? They'll be here in a minute," he said trying to reassure Tim._

_"Please, I don't want them to see me like this," Tim said slightly panicking again. _

_"McGee, you don't have to be embarrassed, we're just glad that we found you," Tony replied, finding it weird that Tim didn't want to see Gibbs and Ziva. _

_"No! Tony, don't! Please I don't want them to come in here!" Tim yelled really panicking now. He started hyperventilating. _

_Tony felt a pang at his heart when he saw the tears rolling down Tim's face._

_"Okay, okay, McGee." Tony said with a calm voice, trying to get Tim to calm down again. _

_"Just breath calmly, I'll go tell them to stay outside. I'll be right back."_

_He walked out to tell Gibbs and Ziva to not come inside. _

_After he told them to stay outside and to call an ambulance, he quickly walked back to Tim._

_"I told them. They won't come in," he told Tim. _

_He walked up to Tim and started tugging on the restraints at his wrists._

_"I'm going to get you out of these restraints. Stay calm and don't move them when they're loose," Tony said. _

_"Tony?" Tim said suddenly sounding really scared._

_"Yeah, McGee?"_

_"I, … I can't feel my arms anymore," Tim said with a scared voice._

_"That's probably because you were tied up like this for a while. How long have you been tied up like this?" Tony asked._

_"Since the first day I was here. They never removed them," Tim replied, still with a shaky voice._

_Tony cursed silently under his breath. _

'_They never removed them?' he thought angry. He wanted to go and kill the bastards who did this to Tim._

_"Tony, how… how long was I here?" Tim interrupted his thoughts._

_That wasn't a question Tony wanted to answer, he was scared of Tim's reaction. _

_"Okay McGee I almost got your wrists free," he said trying to avoid the question._

_"Please, Tony. Just tell me," Tim plead. _

_"That's not really important right now, okay. You just concentrate on staying awake," Tony said, still not wanting to answer the question._

_"Please," Tim said in a very raspy, soft and broken voice._

_Tony felt the pang of guilt coming back. Tim sounded so broken. He sighed. _

_"Two months," he said finally._

_"Okay," Tim said softly._

_Suddenly Tim went limp. _

"_Tim?" Tony asked horrified. _

_End flashback_


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N Thanks for all the people who reviewed alerted! I love you all! :)**

**This is a shorter chapter than usual. But next chapter will be longer! (I promise! :))**

**Sorry that in the past couple of chapters nothing really exciting happened, but that's going to change next chapter. **

**I want to warn you all for next chapter because it will contain some mature content. I'll put some warnings in the chapter itself, but I just wanted to warn you all ahead. **

**Thanks for **datura070 for BETA-ing this! :)****

Disclaimer: I do not own NCIS, I'm only borrowing it to have some fun. :)

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><p>Tim looked at Tony. Something was off. He was not paying attention to him or Gibbs anymore, and seemed to have drifted off in his thoughts.<p>

"Tony?" he asked hesitantly.

But Tony didn't react.

He desperately looked up at Gibbs, hoping he would know what to do.

When he met Gibbs' gaze, he saw the worry on his face.

"DiNozzo!" Gibbs called.

"Huh? What?" Tony seemed startled out of his thoughts.

"You with us?" Gibbs asked.

"Yeah.." Tony said, still looking a bit startled.

"So… uh…" Tony started, trying to shake himself back reality. He turned around to Tim, so he could look at him.

"You think you can look at the rest of the pictures?"

Tim was quiet. He didn't know what to say. Truthfully, he didn't want to see the pictures, but he was scared that if he didn't do it that he would make Tony and Gibbs mad. Maybe they'd think that he was overreacting. He had to do this, he couldn't be selfish and only think about himself, they needed him to do this.

"No, … eh… I still want to … l-look at them."

He silently cursed himself for not being able to keep the trembling out of his voice.

"You sure?" Tony asked, the concern clear in his voice.

"Yeah," he said, trying to sound more confident.

He turned towards the photos on the table and without thinking about it any further, he quickly flipped the remaining three. He gave them all a quick glance, before he closed his eyes.

He felt himself slightly panicking, at seeing the faces of his tormentors again.

He tried to calm himself down by breathing slowly, but it didn't work. He felt himself panicking more and more.

"Take them away," he said with a strained voice, trying to keep the trembling out of his voice.

He felt the flashbacks slowly returning and he didn't want that.

"Please, take them away," he felt his breath speeding up. "Take them away, take them away, take them, take them, take them."

He felt hot tears streaming down his face and his breathing speeding up more. He felt his heart almost beating out of his chest.

He didn't want the flashbacks returning!

"No, no, no, no,…"

He lowered his head in his hands, and started shaking his head.

He suddenly felt hands being placed on his wrists. He flinched a little, but he relaxed when he realized those were Tony's hands.

He felt his hands slowly being pulled away from his face, while a soft voice was talking to him.

"Open your eyes Tim, the photos are gone."

He recognized the voice being Tony's also.

He felt himself not being able to open his eyes, scared to open them.

"C'mon, open your eyes," he heard Tony saying again.

He did trust Tony so he wouldn't lie to him. But what if Tony was mad at him for panicking again? This whole mess was his fault.

So he kept his eyes closed, scared that Tony only told him that the photos were gone because he was mad at him while they were still there.

He felt the hands on his wrist slightly shaking him.

"C'mon, you can trust me, they're gone," he heard Tony say, as if he had just heard his thoughts.

He decided that he should open his eyes.

Even if the pictures were still there, he couldn't keep his eyes closed all night. He eventually had to open them.

He swallowed once and then slowly opened his eyes.

When he saw the empty table in front of him he felt his heartbeat slowly returning back to normal.

Tony didn't lie to him. Would that mean that he also wasn't mad at him?

"You okay?" Tony interrupted his thoughts.

He slowly lifted his gaze from the empty table to Tony and was met with a very worried face.

"Y-yes," he said shakily.

"Boss put the pictures back in the file," Tony stated.

Tim looked at Gibbs and saw him holding the file.

He gave him a weak smile as a 'thank you'. Gibbs didn't smile back at him, but gave him a 'you're welcome' look.

He returned his gaze back to meet Tony's .

"So… what now?" he asked hesitantly.

"Well, I'm gonna leave that one up to boss, here," Tony said, releasing his grip on Tim's wrists and turning around to face Gibbs.

"You two are coming with me to stay at my house," Gibbs stated simply.

"I don't know how much trouble this fifth bastard is going to cause and I'm not taking any chances."

Tim felt secretly relieved that Gibbs didn't say that only he had to stay at Gibbs' house. He did trust Gibbs but he felt himself more at ease when he was with Tony. It would've been really embarrassing for him if he would've had to ask Tony if he would want to stay at Gibbs' house too, just because he was scared.

Tim suddenly felt really sleepy. He was exhausted. This had been such a difficult day for him. First the talk with Tony, when Tony told him he needed to go see a psychiatrist, then when the meeting with the team didn't go well and now they found out that there still was someone out there on the loose who wanted to kidnap him again.

This really had been an exhausting and difficult day and it only was his first day of trying to recover and move on from the things that had happened to him.

He felt so guilty that everyone was trying to help him and the only thing he had done for them the past couple of days was lying. But he couldn't tell them. If he told them, they'd hate him. Tony would probably kick him out of his house and Gibbs would probably kick him of the team. But if that happened, he wouldn't blame them.

Who would want to help someone who got five boys kidnapped and raped?

XxXxXxXxXx

A man was standing outside of Tony's house. He had seen the car parked in front of it. He recognized it as being the car of the team leader.

He had been watching the house for a couple of hours now and nothing except the team arriving early in the evening and the team leader arriving now, had changed since yesterday.

So he called it a day and started walking away. It only took him five minutes to walk to his destination. He walked up to house number fourteen and took out the key he had to the door and walked inside. It was a small house, but it was big enough for everything he needed. He was glad that it was so close to the house he was watching, because walking was difficult for him. Years ago something happened which made his right leg weaker than his left leg. He couldn't use it properly anymore.

He walked into the living room where a woman was seated in a chair.

"Hi," he greeted.

"Hello, how did it go?" the woman asked.

"Nothing really happened at first. But just an hour ago, the team leader was at the house. I don't know why, but it shouldn't be that important," the man said, sitting down on a chair opposite of the woman.

"No, probably not," the woman stated.

"So, you found something online?" he asked.

"Yes!" the woman said cheerfully. "I found the perfect place!"

She quickly got her laptop and showed him a picture of an empty little building.

"It's really cheap and it's perfect for what we need. We only need to get you a fake ID and the right papers and we should be able to start our plan."

The man looked at the picture with a big smile.

"Finally, I'll be able to get back at Tim!" he cheered happily. "He escaped me the first time, but this time it can't go wrong. This time I won't try to hurt him only physically but psychologically too. I will destroy him and make him pay for everything he did to me all those years ago."


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N Hello! Sorry for the long wait. But I wrote a very long chapter for you guys! :)**

**It's my longest chapter 'till now. It's 11 pages long! :O**

****Thanks for the people who favorited and story-alerted this story! :D You rock! :)****

**Thanks sooo much for my BETA-reader datura070! You're awesome! **

**WARNING!**

**This chapter contains an explicit scene of Tim's rape!**

**I put some ******** up at the beginning and ending of that part. So if you don't want to read it, please don't! I don't want anyone to get mad at me for not warning you! **

**Oh! And one last thing! With the last few chapters, I didn't get ANY reviews. I'm starting to think that no one's reading this story anymore... :'( **

**Could someone please review? I need to know that I'm not writing this for myself, only.**

**Thanks!**

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><p>"Tim?"<p>

Tim groaned in his sleep.

"Tim, wake up."

Tim slowly woke up. He didn't open his eyes, he felt too tired to do that.

He didn't know where he was, but he liked it. Everything around him felt so soft which made it so comfortable.

"Tim, c'mon, you need to wake up," the voice said again.

Tim groaned again and turned around. He sleepily opened his eyes and was met with the smiling face of Tony, seated beside him on the bed.

Behind Tony he saw a clock hanging on the wall. It was seven 'o clock.

"Morning!" Tony said happily.

"Tony?" he asked sleepily, wanting to know why Tony was waking him up so early in the morning, but still not able to make complete sentences because he was so tired.

"We need to go with Gibbs to NCIS," Tony said.

Tim slowly remembered the events of the day before. The last thing he remembered was when Gibbs had told him and Tony that they would need to stay at his house.

He didn't remember anything after that. He didn't even remember going to bed.

Suddenly he became more aware of his surroundings. The room he was in didn't look like Tony's room. The room was smaller and there was nothing in the room except for the bed he was laying on and a closet across the room.

He quickly sat up in alarm.

"Where are we?" he asked, his alarm seeping into his voice.

"We're at Gibbs' house. You fell asleep on the couch last night, so Gibbs and I had to practically carry you to the car and drive you here," Tony said with a calming voice.

"Oh," Tim said blushing at the thought of Tony and Gibbs needing to help him walk to the car.

"Why are we going to NCIS again?" he asked.

"We're going to a sketch artist, remember?" Tony asked, seeming concerned that Tim didn't remember what they had talked about the previous evening.

Tim looked around and saw some bags lying next to the closet. He figured that Tony must've packed some of their clothes in there.

Looking around some more, it actually hit him that there was only one big bed in this room. He knew that Gibbs' house only had one guest room, and that was where they were, right now.

So if he slept here and Gibbs probably slept in his own room, where did Tony sleep last night?

He looked up at Tony again. Just when he was about to ask his question Tony said something.

"I slept in this bed too," Tony stated, as if he had heard Tim's thoughts.

"Did I…," Tim started, but again Tony cut him off.

"Look for some comfort and cuddled up to me again? Yes. Was I bothered by it? No. So don't even dare to apologize, Tim,"Tony said sternly.

"Thanks," Tim said quietly, looking down at his lap.

"You're welcome, Timmy!" Tony said cheerfully.

But sadly enough what Tony had just said did anything but cheer Tim up. Tony didn't know what kind of horrific memories that little phrase brought to Tim.

_Flashback_  
><em>Tim slowly woke up. It only took him a minute to remember where he was. He looked up at his hands and saw the thick rope around them. He started pulling his wrists in an attempt to get them free, but after some pulling he gave up.<br>_  
><em>He heard the door to the basement opening and footsteps on the stairs. Quickly, he closed his eyes, pretending to be asleep. He heard someone walking over to the bed he was lying on, and tried to keep his breathing even so it would look like he was sleeping.<br>_  
><em>"I know you're awake, Timmy," a voice said.<br>_  
><em>But Tim kept his eyes closed; he was too scared to open them.<br>_  
><em>"Guys, come down! He's awake!" the voice yelled.<br>_  
><em>It didn't take long before Tim heard footsteps on the stairs walking down to the basement.<br>_  
><em>"Open your eyes, Timmy. We all know you're awake," the mocking voice said again.<br>_  
><em>Tim gave up on trying to pretend to be sleeping and hesitantly opened his eyes.<br>_  
><em>He felt his breath get caught in his throat.<br>_  
><em>There they were again. All five of them were standing in front of him.<br>_  
><em>"Hi, Timmy," the man said.<br>_  
><em>"You remember us, right?"<br>_  
><em>Tim closed his eyes, not able to look at them without having a panic attack.<br>_  
><em>"Aww, shy?" the person said again.<br>_  
><em>Tim felt heat building up in his face. He felt so exposed, laying the bed, not being able to move. He just wanted to disappear at that moment.<br>_  
><em>"C'mon, you do remember us, right?" he said, still with a very mocking voice. "You still remember the good old times? We were the best of buddies! Remember that football field where we always used to play at?"<br>_  
><em>The memories that he had tried so hard to forget were slowly returning.<br>_  
><em>The person was right, they had been good friends. No scrap that, they had been best friends. They had spent almost every day together when they were young. That was until that dreadful day that had changed Tim's whole life. They had been ten years old at the time that it had happened.<br>_  
><em>"Ah, I see you do remember," he was interrupted out of his thoughts.<br>_  
><em>"Well, let me introduce you to my friends here. I don't know if you remember their names. I mean, it was so long ago that you met each other."<br>_  
><em>Tim groaned, of course he knew who they were. He would never forget their faces.<br>_  
><em>But because of the tape that was still on his mouth, he couldn't say anything. He opened his eyes and looked at the person talking. He looked at him with a sad look, hoping that the person would feel sorry for him and let him go.<br>_  
><em>But nothing happened; the person continued talking without even noticing the look Tim was giving him.<br>_  
><em>"So, from left to right their names are: Mike, Neil, Chris and Erik. And my name of course is Nick. But you already knew that," he said with a smile. "So you're probably wondering where I have been all these years and why you're here," he looked expectantly at Tim.<br>_  
><em>Tim didn't know what he wanted him to do. Nod?<br>_  
><em>"We're going to tell you why you're here tomorrow. For now you'll just have to settle with a short version of the story."<br>_  
><em>Suddenly Nick looked at Tim with a vicious look in his eyes.<br>_  
><em>"You were the reason all five of us were kidnapped, raped, and tortured for months," he said with such an angry voice, it sent a shiver trough Tim's back.<br>_  
><em>"It was all your fault. If you hadn't been so stubborn the day we were kidnapped this whole mess wouldn't have happened. This is all your fault and you need to be punished for what happened. We have been planning this for a long time and now we finally got you where we want you."<br>_  
><em>Tim felt himself start to panic again. ''Punishment?' What did he mean by that?'<br>_  
><em>"Okay, guys, I go first," Nick said. "Go upstairs."<br>_  
><em>"Why? We want to see!" the guy who Nick had introduced as Neil said.<br>_  
><em>"I know, but he was my friend, and I want to have a private moment between the two of us," Nick replied.<br>_  
><em>When Neil and the other guys still didn't seem pleased, Nick sighed.<br>_  
><em>"You know what? I'll remove the tape, that way you can hear him," Nick said with a smirk.<br>_  
><em>"Okay, I guess that'll do," Neil said, sighing, still not seeming very pleased.<br>_  
><em>The four guys all disappeared up the stairs.<br>_  
><em>Nick turned back to Tim.<br>_  
><em>Tim felt himself squirm a little under the piercing eyes of Nick.<br>_  
><em>Nick walked up to Tim and sat down on the bed.<br>_  
><em>"So, like I told you, me and the guys weren't treated very well at the place we were held captive," Nick said.<br>_  
><em>Nick put his hand on Tim's stomach. Tim panicked and quickly tried to get the hand off him. But after squirming a little he realized that he was tied up to tight to be able to do that.<em>  
><em>He groaned in frustration.<br>_  
><em>"It was all your fault," Nick continued, ignoring Tim's frustration. Suddenly, Nick's eyes filled with tears.<br>_  
><em>"Why would you do that to me? We were best friends. We had known each other since we were three years old. Why did you do it?" Nick asked in a sad voice.<br>_  
><em>Tim looked at Nick with wide eyes. 'Was Nick going to cry?'<br>_  
><em>But Nick quickly composed himself again.<br>_  
><em>"You were the reason we were in that awful place. Now you need to be punished for it," Nick said with an angry voice again.<br>_  
><em>Nick's hand slowly started moving downwards on Tim's stomach.<br>_  
><em>Tim tensed up. 'What is he doing?'<br>_  
><em>He again tried to shake the hand of him, but to no avail.<br>_  
><em>He groaned in panic.<br>_  
><em>"Oh, right," Nick said with a smile. His other hand moved up to the tape and he quickly yanked it off Tim's mouth. "Wouldn't want my friends to miss anything," he said with a smirk.<br>_  
><em>Nicks hand again started moving downwards to Tim's belt.<br>_  
><em>Tim's eyes went wide with panic.<br>_  
><em>"N-no, please don't do that," he said with a small voice.<br>_  
><em>Nick looked up at him with an angry face.<br>_  
><em>"You don't like it?" he asked with a dangerous voice.<br>_  
><em>Tim quickly felt his throat tightening.<br>_  
><em>"I asked you a question!" Nick yelled.<br>_  
><em>"N-no."<br>_  
><em>"Well, too bad! You think we liked it when it happened to us? Now you finally get to feel what you did to us!"<br>_  
><em>Nick suddenly pulled a pair of scissors out of a pocket in his pants.<br>_  
><em>Slowly he started cutting Tim's pants.<br>_  
><em>"W-what are you doing? S-stop!"<br>_  
><em>But Nick didn't listen, he kept cutting until Tim's pants were cut in pieces and fell of the bed to the ground.<br>_  
><em>Now Tim was only in his t-shirt and boxers.<em>

_Tim felt his breathing speeding up.  
><em>  
><em>He looked at Nick and saw something weird. Nick seemed excited?<br>_  
><em>"You don't know how long I had to wait for this day. I finally get to have my revenge and you can finally be punished for what you did. It's good that I'm doing this, you need to learn. You'll thank me one day," Nick said.<br>_

_*****  
><em>  
><em>Nick got up and sat down on Tim's legs. Slowly Nick brought his hands up to the waistband of Tim's boxers and slowly started lowering his boxers.<em>

_"N-no, stop! Don't!" Tim's screamed in pure panic.  
><em>  
><em>He again tried to wiggle free of the ropes. He started pulling with all his strength, but the ropes just wouldn't budge. Tim was panicking so much that he didn't even notice the thin line of blood trickling down his wrists, because of the pulling.<br>_  
><em>Nick didn't seem to notice Tim's panic. He slowly but surely kept pulling Tim's boxers down.<br>_  
><em>"Stop! Please, stop!"<br>_  
><em>Normally, Tim would never beg like that, but he was in so much panic, that he didn't care.<br>_  
><em>Nick ignored him once again and kept pulling Tim's boxers down until they were at his ankles.<br>_  
><em>Tim felt cool air against his private parts, which made him blush.<br>_  
><em>He felt hot tears sliding down his face. He didn't want this; he just wanted to go home. It didn't take him long before he was actually sobbing. This was all just too much.<br>_  
><em>Tim desperately tried to close his legs and keep some of the dignity he still had left intact, but he couldn't do that. His feet were still tied up to each of the bedposts.<br>_  
><em>He tried to calm himself down, but before he could even try, he suddenly felt a hand on his most private place.<br>_  
><em>He couldn't stop a sob escaping from his throat.<br>_  
><em>"Please, stop," he sobbed. "Please, just let me go, I don't want this."<br>_  
><em>But again, Nick ignored him.<br>_  
><em>Tim felt Nicks hand moving over his private places.<br>_  
><em>Tim's sobs only got harder.<br>_  
><em>"N-no, s-stop," Tim sobbed, as thick tears were running down his face.<br>_  
><em>Nick didn't say anything, and just kept moving his hand over Tim's most private areas.<br>_  
><em>Nick lowered his hand until his fingers brushed against Tim's entrance.<br>_  
><em>Tim's eyes widened in shock when that happened and his breath caught in his throat.<br>_  
><em>"No! No! No! Stop! I'm sorry, please, I'm sorry. Just stop!" Tim sobbed.<br>_  
><em>Nick stopped his movements and looked up at Tim.<br>_  
><em>"You think saying sorry will make everything okay again? You think that everything will be fine? You need to be punished for your actions, and then we'll see how sorry you are."<br>_  
><em>Tim wanted to say something, tell him how sorry he felt, beg him to stop, but he was cut off before he even could open his mouth.<br>_  
><em>Because suddenly he felt the finger that was at his entrance push inside.<br>_  
><em>Tim felt a searing pain shot through him. As the finger pushed deeper the burning pain seemed to get worse.<br>_  
><em>"No, no, no! Get it out, get it out, get it out!"<br>_  
><em>The tears were sliding at a faster rate down his face. It hurt so much. Tim's back arched off the bed when he felt the finger moving inside of him.<br>_  
><em>"No, no, no…"<br>_  
><em>Suddenly he felt another finger add to the first finger that was inside of him.<br>_  
><em>Two other fingers were quickly added.<br>_  
><em>Now the pain was almost unbearable. He felt his entrance being stretched to its limit.<br>_  
><em>"STOP!" Tim screamed.<br>_  
><em>He couldn't take this anymore.<br>_  
><em>With a new burst of adrenaline he again started tugging on the ropes at his wrists again. It again didn't help and it only resulted in more blood trickling down his wrists. But he didn't notice it. He franticly kept moving and thrashing around trying to get free.<br>_  
><em>"Stop!" Tim felt himself getting mad. "Stop! Why aren't you listening, I don't want this. Let me go!"<br>_  
><em>The sudden burst of anger and adrenaline left his body just as fast as it had come, and he, again, was left with only his fear.<br>_  
><em>"Please," he said with a soft trembling voice.<br>_  
><em>Suddenly the fingers left his body.<br>_  
><em>Tim felt himself sigh in relief and close his eyes in exhaustion.<br>_  
><em>The burning pain was still there, but at least the fingers were gone.<br>_  
><em>But sadly that relieved feeling quickly was replaced by fear.<br>_  
><em>Because he suddenly heard the unmistakable sound of a zipper.<br>_  
><em>His eyes quickly shot open. He opened his eyes just in time to see Nick looking at him with a smirk on his face.<br>_  
><em>Suddenly Tim felt the most excruciating pain he had ever felt in his whole life. He felt like he was being torn in half.<br>_  
><em>He couldn't stop a scream coming from his throat.<br>_  
><em>Nick had plunged himself in Tim and was thrusting really hard into Tim.<br>_  
><em>"No! It's hurts! Please, it hurts so much," Tim begged. "I'm sorry!"<br>_  
><em>But Nick didn't react, he just kept going at the same pace.<br>_  
><em>Every painful thrust made Tim cry out in pain. He begged and pleaded, but it didn't work.<br>_  
><em>After what felt like an eternity he finally felt Nick pull out.<br>_

_***********  
><em>  
><em>Before Tim passed out from the pain, he heard Nick say something to him.<br>_  
><em>"You're welcome, Timmy."<br>_  
><em>Then Tim was finally swallowed by the open arms of the dark.<br>_

_End flashback  
><em>

"No, no, no…"

Someone was crying. It took Tim a minute to realize that he was the one crying. It took him another couple of minutes to remember where he was.

He was still at Gibbs' house, on the bed in the guest bedroom.

Tony was sitting next to him on the bed, looking as white as the white walls of the room.

Tears were streaming down Tim's face, he was sweating, and his breathing was coming in rough, fast gasps.

He tried to calm himself, but he couldn't do it.

The horrific memories were still flashing through his mind.

He brought his hands up to his face, and started sobbing loudly.

Through his sobbing , he heard Tony's voice saying his name.

Suddenly he felt hands on his own.

Slowly the hands removed his hands from his face.

With red, puffy eyes he looked up and saw Tony looking at him.

Tony still looked very pale and concerned.

Tony slowly brought his arms up, around Tim and pulled him into a hug.

Tim flinched at first, but quickly put his face on Tony's shoulder and continued sobbing.

His hands had an ice-steel grip on Tony's shirt, scared that if he let go, Tony would somehow disappear.

He heard Tony muttering soft reassurances to him, but he didn't really hear them.

After a few minutes of crying on Tony's shoulder, he still hadn't calmed down.

"Tim?" he heard Tony say softly. "What happened? I don't understand, was it something I said?"

Tim could hear the shock and confusion in Tony's voice.

Tim felt bad. He was dragging Tony along in the mess he had made.

He probably was the worst friend ever. Tony took him in his house, he had helped him with his nightmares and he even was trying to help keep him safe from Nick, who was still on the loose.

And how did he repay him? By starting to cry every couple of minutes. Tony must hate him so much. Why was he even hugging him?  
>Tim tried getting loose out of Tony's arms.<p>

But Tony didn't let him go, he only tightened his arms around him.

"Tony, p-please let g-go," Tim sobbed.

"No, I'm not letting go. You're going to tell me right now what I did wrong, so I know what not to do, next time," Tony said sternly.

"N-no, Tony. Let go, please."

It didn't work. It only seemed to get Tony to tighten his arms around Tim.

"Tim," Tony said with a softer voice. "Please tell me."

Tim had never heard Tony say please before.

Maybe Tony did care?

Maybe he actually wanted to help him?

He decided to ignore the voice in his head, which said that Tony hated him and didn't want to help him and to tell Tony.

"Y-you sa-aid 'you're welco-ome, Ti-immy.' Tha-at's what he alwa-ays said after… after."

Tim couldn't continue. His sobbing turned into crying whole heartedly.

He felt Tony's hand moving on his back in circles, trying to comfort him.

"Ssshh… you don't have to say it. I understand. Don't worry, I won't say it again."

After a few minutes, Tim was finally able to calm down a bit. His crying was now reduced to soft sobbing.

"I'm sorry," he softly murmured into Tony's shoulder. "I shouldn't have dragged you into this whole mess."

"You don't have to be sorry. I already told you. You're like my little brother. Of course I'm helping you," Tony said reassuringly.

"But, you shouldn't have to do this."

"You're right. I don't have to do this, but I want to. You just focus on trying to get better, okay? Don't worry about me not wanting to do this. 'Kay?"

Tim nodded into Tony's shoulder, scared that if he tried to use his voice, he would start crying again.

"Good," Tony said. "I think Gibbs is waiting for us downstairs. Do you still want to go?"

Tim quickly nodded, scared that Tony's patience was almost running out with him. Even though Tony just told him that he wasn't mad and that he wasn't bothered by Tim, he still had the feeling that Tony could leave him any moment.

"You sure?" Tony asked.

Tim quickly nodded again.

"Okay."

Tony slowly started pulling away from Tim.

Tim needed all his willpower not to keep clinging to Tony.

He had felt so safe in Tony's arms, and he tried to keep the tears from falling from his eyes.

"You sure you can do this?" Tony asked, probably seeing that Tim was at the verge of crying again.

Tim nodded, not trusting his voice again.

He saw Tony looking at him with a disbelieving look.

When Tim quickly wiped the tears from his eyes and gave Tony a shaky smile to ensure him that he was okay, Tony sighted.

"Okay. I'll go wait downstairs with Gibbs. See you in a bit."

With that Tony stood up and walked towards the door. Before he left the room, he quickly shot a worrying glance towards Tim and then walked out of the room.

xXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx

Tim and Tony got out of the car and saw two guards standing next to the door of Gibbs' house. Gibbs had told them that they would be there when they came back, saying it was a safety precaution.

They nodded to the guards when they walked inside and closed the door.

Tim walked straight over to the couch in the living room and sat down with a big sigh.

He looked at his hands and saw that they were shaking.

It hadn't been easy having to talk to the sketch-artist. Talking about what Nick looked like had brought back horrible memories. A few times during the talk with the sketch-artist, he had found himself at the verge of having a panic attack. It had been Tony that had calmed him down every time.

He felt tears stinging in his eyes. He silently cursed himself for not being able to keep it together.

Tim felt the couch dip in a little next to him. He knew that it was Tony, but he still flinched when he felt Tony put his hand on his shoulder.

That little gesture of affection made Tim loose the battle against the tears.

He put his hands up to his face and sobbed into them.

He felt Tony's hand give his shoulder a little squeeze in a show of comfort.

It was quiet for a couple of minutes, the only sounds being the sobs from Tim.

When Tony finally said something it startled him a little.

"You did good," Tony spoke softly. "I know it was hard for you."

It took Tim a few minutes before he was able to look up at Tony.

He only looked at him for a couple of seconds before he looked down again, not able to look at Tony without feeling the shame come over him again.

He felt so stupid for not being able to keep it together.

"Hey, none of that now," Tony said.

Tony's hand was under his chin and gently lifted his head so he could look at him.

Tim felt his face heating up and closed his eyes.

"Tim, c'mon," he heard Tony almost plead.

Still Tim couldn't open his eyes, feeling ashamed that he couldn't even talk to a sketch-artist without having a breakdown afterwards.

"Tim, you know there's nothing wrong with how you're feeling. C'mon, open your eyes."

Tim took a deep breath and slowly opened his eyes, and Tony looked at him with a smile.

"See? I'm not that ugly to look at!" Tony said with a cheerful voice.

Tony's cheerfulness worked.

Tim smirked a little.

"Thank you," he said.

Tony released Tim's head.

"You're welco- uhh.. I mean, of course, you're my friend!"

Suddenly Tony's face turned serious.

"We need to talk about something," he said with a serious tone.

The smile on Tim's face quickly disappeared.

He knew it. He knew Tony was at the end of his rope with him. He was going to tell him that he didn't want to help him anymore.

This whole mess was his fault. If he just wouldn't have let himself get caught, they wouldn't be in this mess.

If he wouldn't have been so childish about everything, and just would've came back to work, Tony wouldn't have had to take some time off from work.

Everything would've gone back to how it used to be.

"Tim?" Tony interrupted his thoughts.

Tim quickly stood up, knowing that he shouldn't bother Tony anymore.

"Don't worry, I know what you're going to say. I'll just pack my stuff and get out of here," he said with a strained voice.

Even though he knew that it was all his fault, he still didn't want to leave. He felt so safe when Tony was around. He didn't want to lose that.

Just when Tim was about to walk up the stairs to the guest bedroom he felt a hand on his wrist pulling his back.

He turned around and was met with a very shocked looking Tony.

"What?" Tony asked looking too shocked to be able to say more than that.

"I'm going upstairs to pack my bags and go home," Tim said matter-of-factly. "Don't worry, I won't be a bother anymore."

"What? No, you're not a bother! Where did this come from?" Tony asked confused.

Tim felt tears welling up in his eyes. Why was Tony acting like he didn't know? Did Tony want to hear him saying that he was a bother again? He knew that it was true, but Tony didn't have to rub it in like that.

Tim started pulling his arm to get his wrist free from Tony's grip.

"Please, just let me go. I know you're bothered by me being here, just let me leave," Tim said, still trying to get his wrist free.

"No, I'm not letting go," Tony said, seeming to get more and more confused by what Tim was saying.

"Why do you think you're a bother?" he asked again.

Tim looked at Tony's face and was shocked by the look of honest confusion.

"You just said you wanted to talk about something," Tim said.

Tony's look of confusion was now replaced by relief.

"Yeah, I wanted to talk, but I didn't say anything about you being a bother, now did I?"

"Well, no, but I just… I thought… I don't know."

Tim looked down at his feet in shame. He felt the tears threatening to fall.

"Sorry," he said, still looking down at his feet.

Tim couldn't keep the tears from falling anymore.

"I … I just … I don't understand," he said sobbing.

"What don't you understand?" Tony asked a soft voice.

"Why are you helping me? I keep crying every two seconds, I can't even go one night of sleeping without waking you up because I'm having a nightmare and every time you're not around I almost have a panic attack. If I just wouldn't have let myself get captured, we wouldn't be in this mess. This is all my fault."

More tears started sliding down his face.

Suddenly Tim felt Tony's hand under his, forcing his chin up so he could look at him.

"Listen to me very carefully. You. Are. Not. A. Bother. I want to help you. You're my friend and a little brother to me. I would never think that you're a bother. Got it?"

Tim nodded, tears still sliding down his face.

"I'm sorry," he said with a shaky voice.

"No, none of that either. You don't have to be sorry for anything. You have done nothing wrong. It's okay to be confused sometimes, 'kay?

Tim nodded again.

"Just remember that every time you need something you can always come to me. Whatever it is. If you had a nightmare and you want me to help you or if you just want to talk, and even if you want a hug! I don't care what it is. If you need something, you tell me and I'll try to help you the best I can."

Tim nodded.

"Thank you."

He bit on the inside of his lip, thinking. He did want to ask Tony something, but he was scared that Tony would get mad at him.

But Tony just told him that if he wanted something, he could ask.

He took a deep breath and decided to ask.

"Tony?"

"Yeah?"

"Can I … uh… would you … can I hug you?"

Tim looked down at his feet again in shame. He felt tears welling up again.

How could he be so stupid and ask Tony something like that?

Even though Tony just Told him that he could ask him anything, but surely he didn't mean that.

"Sure!" Tony interrupted his thoughts.

Tony put his arms around Tim and pulled him into a warm hug.

Tim put his head on Tony's shoulder and started crying again.

Tony's hand was moving in circles on his back in a way of comforting him.

After a few minutes of crying he finally said something.

"I… I don't know. Everything is just so confusing. I do trust you, but I can't help the feeling of being scared that you'll leave. I know I sound stupid.. but…"

"You don't sound stupid," Tony said. "Remember what I just told you? It's okay to be confused sometimes."

"So… you're not mad?" Tim asked sniffling.

"Of course not," Tony said reassuringly.

"I don't like feeling like this," Tim said, still sniffling.

"I know. That's what I wanted to talk to you about."

"What do you mean?" Tim asked.

"Well,… you remember what I talked to you about, yesterday? About that we need to go search for a psychiatrist for you?"

"But,… I don't want to," Tim said, tears starting to slide down his face dripping on Tony's shoulder again.

"I don't want tell anyone about… about," Tim broke into harsh sobs again.

Tony's hand started moving on his back in circles again.

"But, would you please try it? Just go once. If you still think it's a bad idea, then I won't ask again. Okay?"

Tim didn't say anything, he just kept crying on Tony's shoulder.

"Please, Tim."

Tim didn't know. He didn't want to go, but he knew he had to. Tony had done so much for him, he had to do something for him back.

He nodded into Tony's shoulder.

"Thank you," Tony said.

Tim kept crying for a few moments, before his sobs finally silent down.

"T-tony?"

"Yeah?"

"Would you please go with me?"

"Of course!" Tony said happily.

Tim knew that now the conversation had come to an end, but he didn't want to let go.

He felt so safe in Tony's arms.

Tim stayed in Tony's arms for a few moments, before he reluctantly let go.

Tim stood awkwardly in front of Tony, not knowing what to say.

"You look tired," Tony broke the silence.

Tim didn't know how to react to that so he stayed quiet.

"Go get some sleep. You look like you're about to collapse."

Tim did feel tired, but he didn't want to go to sleep. He was scared of the nightmares that would inevitably come.

Should he tell Tony that he was scared? Although Tony just told him that he could tell him anything, he couldn't tell him that he was scared. He had just asked Tony for a hug, he shouldn't push Tony's kindness too much.

Tim felt tears well up in his eyes in frustration.

Why was everything so hard? It felt like there were two different persons inside of him.

One trusted Tony and the other didn't.

"Okay," he said, trying not to show Tony that he was scared.

He quickly walked up the stairs and in to the guest bedroom.

He took a deep breath, trying to stop the tears from falling, again.

He walked over to the bags, which were lying next to the closet.

He pulled out a t-shirt and sweats, and changed into those.

With a sigh, he laid down on the bed an looked at the door of the room, silently hoping that Tony wouldn't followed him, but he hadn't.

Silent tears started sliding down his face.

He closed his eyes and tried to calm himself.

The moment he closed his eyes, the memories started flooding back again.

He put a pillow on his face to silent his sobs, so Tony wouldn't hear him.

He didn't notice the door of the room opening and someone walking up to the bed and slipping in next to Tim.

Then person pulled on Tim's shoulder until Tim was fully turned around and facing him.

Tim at first didn't notice being turned, but then noticed that the pillow wasn't on his face anymore.

He opened his eyes and saw Tony.

"Hey. Thought you could use a sleeping buddy," he said with a soft voice.

Tim felt relieved. The moment that he saw Tony, he felt calmer.

He put his face on Tony's chest, the scent of Tony calming him even more.

Slowly he closed his eyes again and fell into a restless sleep.


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N HI! :) **

**Thanks everyone so much for the reviews/alerts/favorites! :)**

**I have a question for you all! :)**

**I was rereading everything that I had written for this story so far and... O.o" **

**Chapter 1 and 2 are horrible (in my opinion...).**

**So my question for you is: Should I rewrite chapter 1 and 2? Because I think I'm actually loosing potential readers, because they're so put off by the first two chapters. **

**If you do think that I should rewrite the chapters 1 and 2, what should I change/rewrite?**

**Tell it me in a review or PM me about it. Please! I need to know!**

**Okay. :) That was that. **

**So for this chapter. This chapter goes back in time a little. This starts just when Gibbs, Tony and Tim had arrived at Gibbs' house. So don't be confused about that. :)**

**Disclaimer: I don't own this show :'(**

* * *

><p>Tony sat down on the couch with a sigh.<p>

He and Gibbs had just put Tim to bed in the guest bedroom.

He closed his eyes in exhaustion and sighed a few times before opening his eyes again.

When he opened his eyes he saw that Gibbs had sat down next to him on the couch.

After a few moments, Gibbs broke the silence.

"So, how's everything going?"

Tony immediately assumed that Gibbs was talking about Tim.

"Well Tim hasn't improved much. He's still having nightmares and he-"

"No, I wasn't talking about him," Gibbs interrupted him.

"I wanna know how you are holding up."

"What do you mean? Tim is the one who was … you know. I'm not the one you should be asking this," Tony replied frowning.

Gibbs didn't reply, He just gave Tony a skeptical look.

Tony looked down at his lap, secretly knowing what Gibbs was talking about.

Gibbs wanted to know how he was doing. Everyone was only worried about Tim and wanted to help him. Not that that was wrong. Tim had been through something no one should ever go through. He needed all the help he could get. But what everyone forgot was him.  
>No one really thought about Tony.<br>He just got thrown into taking care of Tim. Of course he didn't mind. He really cared about Tim. He was gladly taking care of him. But that didn't make it any less difficult. It was not easy to take care of Tim.  
>Tim was like his little brother. He felt so helpless seeing him so broken.<br>Tony looked up at Gibbs and saw him still looking at him.

"It's hard," he started slowly, deciding that talking to Gibbs might be a good thing to do.

"I feel so useless. It's like I can't really do anything for him."

"We all feel like that, Tony," Gibbs said.

Tony felt anger welling up because Gibbs wasn't getting his point.

"No, not like me."

He stood up, suddenly feeling really angry, and began pacing around the living room.

"Don't you know how hard it is to see the person you see as your little brother breaking down in front of you? To see him hurting so much and the only thing you're able to do is give him a hug and tell him that it's gonna be okay? It's not enough! It's just not enough!

He didn't know where the anger was coming from, but he felt that he needed to let it out.

"I need to do more for him, but I don't know how. I don't know how to help him."

He stopped walking, looked at Gibbs and said with a soft voice: "I just want to take away all his pain. To make him forget what happened and to be able to get him happy again."

Tony felt the anger die down, and the sadness come back.

He lowered himself to the couch again.

"It's just hard," he said with a strained voice, "I feel so useless."

He swallowed once, trying to get the lump in his throat to disappear.

"Sorry," he said, feeling bad for his outburst.

Suddenly he felt a slap to the back of his head.

He looked up in shock and saw Gibbs looking at him.

"Oh, right, apologizing is a sign of weakness," he said with a little smile, realizing why Gibbs had 'headslapped' him.

Suddenly Gibbs lifted his hand again and slapped the back of Tony's head again.

"Ow! What was that for?" Tony said, trying to rub the sting out of the back of his head.

"For thinking that you're not doing enough for Tim," Gibbs said.

"You took him into your house, you took some time off of work, and you are helping him through every breakdown, nightmare and panic-attack he has! You're doing more than anyone of us is doing."

"But it's not enough!" Tony yelled in frustration, "Don't you understand? Whatever I do, it'll never be enough! He's always gonna be more comfortable around women than men, he's always gonna flinch whenever someone touches him and he's always gonna have those horrible memories!"

"So?" Gibbs said calmly.

Tony felt the anger rising even more.

"Don't you understand how horrible this is?"

"Yes, I do," Gibbs replied, still calm.

"How can you be so calm about this!" Tony yelled, feeling the anger rise to an impossible level.

"Why can't you? What makes you think you should do more than you're already doing?" Gibbs replied.

"Because it's my fault!"

Tony quickly clasped his hand on his mouth in shock.

'Did he just say that out loud?' he thought horrified.

"What?" Gibbs said disbelievingly.

Tony stayed quiet.

"Tony. What do you mean? How is this your fault?" Gibbs asked.

There was a moment of silence before Tony finally said something.

"It's my fault Tim got kidnapped," Tony replied softly.

Gibbs didn't reply this time, urging him to keep going.

"The night he was kidnapped, we were supposed to meet at my house."

Tony stopped and licked his lips nervously, not knowing if he should continue. But after looking at Gibbs expectant face he know that he couldn't stop talking now.

"Me, Abby, Ziva and Tim were all supposed to go to my house, that night, to have a drink and just relax. Just when we were about to leave and go to the cars, I don't know why, but I decided to make some stupid joke about Tim never going out. Tim went all mad at me and went straight home, saying he was tired of my jokes."

"That doesn't make it your fault," Gibbs said, looking confused as to how that related to McGee's kidnapping.

"It was not your fault. Yes, you made a joke, but you weren't the one who hurt McGee. That was those bastards' faults."

Tony shook his head, not agreeing with Gibbs.

"But if I hadn't made that stupid joke, he wouldn't have gone home so early. If he wouldn't have gone home so early he-"

"No," Gibbs interrupted him.

"You're not going to do this. This is not your fault. You did nothing wrong. You only made a joke."

"Yeah and that joke got Tim kidnapped," Tony replied.

"No, it didn't. He got kidnapped, that had nothing to do with a joke you made. What do you think would've happened if he did go to your house? Would've that made those guys decide to not kidnap him?"

"Well, maybe they would've got tired of waiting and had gone home," Tony replied, already knowing that his argument was stupid.

"No that wouldn't have happened and you know that," Gibbs said.

"But-" Tony started, still not seeming to believe that it wasn't his fault, but got interrupted by Gibbs.

"No. Listen to me. This. Is. Not. Your. Fault," Gibbs said slowly, hoping that Tony would finally get it.

But Tony didn't reply. The thought that it was his fault, didn't want to leave his mind. It was true that if he hadn't made that joke, Tim probably wouldn't have gone home so early. But, like Gibbs said, it didn't matter what time Tim would've gone home, they would've kidnapped him no matter what.

But still, he still had a nagging feeling telling him that it was all his fault and that he needed to make it up to Tim.

"Did you tell those bastards to kidnap McGee?" Gibbs asked, interrupting his thoughts.

"No. Of course not," Tony answered, horrified that Gibbs would think something so horrible.

"Did you make that joke about McGee, just so he would go home early, so he would get kidnapped?" Gibbs asked.

"No!"

"How is this your fault then? It's not your fault. It's the fault of those bastards who kidnapped him."

"But… I… I don't know!" Tony exclaimed in frustration, "I just have this feeling that I have to make it up to him, somehow, because it was my fault."

"So the only reason you're helping him is because you feel guilty?" Gibbs asked.

"No! Of course not! I didn't lie to him. I love him like a little brother. Although I don't admit it a lot to him, I do care about him. Even if I didn't feel guilty, I would've helped him. The guilt is only driving me to try to help him even more."

"Yeah, it's driving you to try to do the impossible," Gibbs continued for him.

"You can't get him to forget. The only thing you can do is to try help him deal with what happened, and get him to move on. And right now you're doing one hell of a job doing that."

Tony sighed. It was starting to get through to him, that Gibbs was probably right. But what was that feeling he was having then?

"I.. I'm just…," he started.

He stayed quiet for a few moments, not knowing how to say what he felt.

"I'm just… scared, I guess."

Gibbs raised his eyebrows in confusion.

"I'm scared that Tim one day will blame me for what happened."

Tony stayed quiet again, thinking about what to say next.

"I don't want him to get mad at me. I know I tease him a lot, and that it makes him mad sometimes. But that's different, somehow. When he gets mad because of a joke I know that he will get over it. I'm scared that he'll one day blame me for what happened. I don't want to lose my best friend."

His voice cracked when he said the last sentence.

"Tony," Gibbs said with a soft voice.

"Listen. It's not your fault. No one blames you for what happened and McGee doesn't either. Nor will he ever do that. Don't you see how he looks up to you? He sees you as his big brother. You're the only person he feels safe with right now. He trusts you. He would never blame you for what happened. You need to understand that."

Tony stared down at his lap. It was all getting too much for him. Feeling guilty, seeing Tim so broken, having his life turned upside down so he could take care of him, and trying to stay strong through all that, for Tim.

He felt his eyes start to water. But he couldn't let them fall down. He needed to suck it up and be strong for Tim.

How could he help Tim, if he, himself couldn't even stay strong?

"Tony?"

Tony was brought out of his thoughts. Slowly, he lifted his head and looked up at Gibbs.

"Listen. I know it's hard," Gibbs started softly.

"And even though I can't help McGee directly, because he still only feels safe with you, I can help McGee by helping you. Whenever you feel like it's getting too much, or you don't know how to help McGee sometimes, you can always come to me. Don't keep it all inside. I know you want to stay strong for McGee when you're with him. But when you're with me you don't have to."

Tony looked incredulously at Gibbs.

How did he know exactly what he'd needed to hear?

Finally, a tear had escaped from his eye and slowly made his way down his cheek.

An hour ago he would've probably tried to hide the fact that he was crying, but now, he knew that he didn't have to. Gibbs understood that he needed to let it out.

More tears started sliding down his cheeks. Silently he sobbed into his hands.

He felt Gibbs putting his hand on his shoulder and giving it a comforting squeeze.

"Just let it all out," Gibbs spoke softly.

"You don't need to be strong when you're with me. I know it's hard," Gibbs continued reassuringly.

Tony continued sobbing for a few minutes, before the sobbing was finally reduced to a few hiccups.

"Thank you," he said with a trembling voice.

Gibbs didn't say anything, he only gave Tony's shoulder another squeeze, as a 'you're welcome'.

Tony sighed in exhaustion. His lack of sleep was really catching up to him. Tim wasn't the only one who hadn't slept much these past couple of nights, he hadn't either.

Suddenly he remembered that Tim was sleeping alone upstairs. He tried listening if he could hear any sounds coming from Tim, in case he was having a nightmare. But he didn't hear anything.

'Weird,' he thought.

Tim didn't have any nightmares since he fell asleep back at his house.  
>Normally Tim couldn't even sleep for ten minutes without having a nightmare, but he was already sleeping for two hours without having any nightmares.<p>

He figured that it probably was because Tim was so exhausted that he fell into a dreamless, deep sleep… for now.  
>He didn't know how it would be later on through the night, when Tim would've already had a few more hours of sleep.<p>

He dried his eyes and stood up.

"I think I'm gonna go to sleep," he said to Gibbs.

"You can sleep in my bed," Gibbs said, also standing up, "I'll take the couch."

"No, I think I'll sleep in the guest room with Tim," Tony answered.

Gibbs looked confused.

"He needs me in case of nightmare," Tony explained.

"Oh, okay. Sure. I'll be in the basement," Gibbs replied.

With that he walked away to the basement.

Tony walked up the stairs to the guest room.

When he walked inside he was met with a peacefully sleeping Tim.

Tony smiled when he saw that. He was happy that Tim was finally having a few hours of peaceful sleeping without being interrupted with those horrible nightmares.

He quickly changed clothes and laid down on the bed next to Tim.

It didn't take long before he was sleeping too.

XxXxXxXxXxXx

"Please, don't. No, no, no! I'm sorry, I'm sorry!"

Tony woke up out of his deep sleep.

"Please, I don't want this."

He sleepily opened his eyes, not knowing what the sound was that was interrupting his sleep.

"No!"

Finally it hit Tony that Tim was the one that was making the sounds. He quickly sat up and looked over at Tim.

What he saw shocked him.

Tears were streaming down Tim's face, sweat was gliding down his forehead, his breath was sped up, his eyes were scrunched together, and he was thrashing around with his arms trying to defend himself against the invisible attacker.

Tony put his hands on Tim's shoulder and turned him around so he was facing him.  
>He laid back down again and pulled Tim towards him. He put his arm around Tim while trying to avoid Tim's flailing arms.<p>

He started moving his hand in circles while talking soothingly.

"Ssshh,.. It's okay. You're safe. You're not there anymore."

Slowly Tim seemed to calm down. His arms stopped moving, his breathing slowly returned back to normal, and the tears stopped streaming down his face.

Tony closed his eyes again, happy that Tim's nightmare seemed to be over.

His eyes shot open again, thinking that Tim was having another nightmare, when he felt him start moving again.

When he looked at Tim he saw that Tim didn't look like he was having a nightmare.

Tim was unconsciously moving forward, towards Tony. He kept moving until his face was against Tony's chest and then finally settled down and went back to sleep again.

Tony felt his breath getting caught in his throat. Tears started welling up in his eyes.

Gibbs had been right. Tim does feel safe with him. Tim trusted him and was depending on him. Tim didn't blame him for what happened. Nor would he probably ever.

A smile ghosted over Tony's face when that realization hit him.

Slowly closing his eyes to go to sleep again, he promised himself to keep Tim safe and help him get through everything. And not because he felt guilty, or felt obligated to, but because he loved Tim like his little brother, and wanted nothing other than happiness for him.

With that thought he fell asleep again, while unconsciously tightening his hold around Tim.


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N Hello! I'm soooo sorry, about the long wait!**

**I was busy learning for my finals, and I had surgery. But the surgery wasn't done well, so I probably have to go to the hospital again for another surgery... :'(**

**But Oh, well! :) Yesterday I found out that I passed my exams, and that I'm officially graduated from high school! :)**

**I hope to have the next chapter done sooner. **

**Thank you for baring with me!**

**Thanks for my BETA-reader datura070 for BETA-ing this story! :)**

**Disclaimer: I don't own this show... -.-"(well duhh... xD)**

* * *

><p>The next morning when Tim woke up he noticed that Tony wasn't lying next to him anymore.<p>

He quickly felt the panic rising.  
>Was Tony finally done with him? Was he finally so tired of helping him that he just took off and left?<br>But he quickly tried to suppress the feeling of panic, and tried to think rationally.  
>Maybe Tony had woken up before him and because he didn't want to wake him up, he had gone downstairs.<p>

Tim got out of bed and went to the living room so he could see if he was right.

Relief washed over him when he saw Tony sitting on the couch in the living room with a laptop on his lap.

"Good morning," Tim said.

Tony looked up at him from his laptop and gave Tim a smile.

"Hi," Tony replied.

"How long have you been up?" Tim asked.

"An hour, I think. I didn't want to wake you up, because you looked like you were finally having a peaceful sleep."

Tim blushed a little when he thought back to last night. When he had woken up from a nightmare he'd found himself lying against Tony. Only after a lot of reassurances from Tony that he didn't mind Tim lying against him, he'd gone back to sleep again.

Tim nodded at Tony, thinking that it was nice of him to let him sleep a little longer.

"Where's Gibbs?" he asked, noticing that Gibbs wasn't there.

"He went to NCIS. He's trying to find that last suspect," Tony replied.

Tim nodded and sat down on the couch next to Tony. When he looked at the laptop on Tony's lap, he saw that Tony was on a website that said: 'Christian Wiedemann: Psychiatrist'.

Immediately knowing why Tony was on that website he felt the panic start again. He knew that he'd agreed to go at least once, but that didn't mean that he liked it.

He quickly tried to calm himself down, not wanting Tony to see him panicking.

He looked up at Tony and saw him still looking at the laptop screen. Luckily, he hadn't seen Tim's little panic.

"You know…" Tony started suddenly, "I was searching for psychiatrists here in the neighborhood. I found this Dr. Wiedemann. It says here on the website that the psychiatrist has helped a lot of people who were also… uhh… going through the same stuff as you. He just moved from Sacramento. So, I… uhm… I thought that we could go to him."

Tim stayed quiet, not knowing how to reply to that.

"If you want to, of course. If you want someone else, we won't go," he added quickly.

Tim, again, didn't say anything.

He just really didn't want to go.

"I thought… maybe we could go after breakfast?" Tony interrupted his thoughts.

"Okay, with you?"

Tim wanted to yell no. He wanted to beg, scream and yell at Tony and tell him that he didn´t want to go to a psychiatrist. That he didn´t want to talk about what happened. That he didn´t want to leave Gibbs' house, that made him feel so safe. And above all, that he didn´t want to keep remembering what happened.

He just wanted to forget about everything and just get on with his old life.

But, he couldn't. He´d promised Tony. He couldn't let him down, not now. After all he'd done for him.

So he didn't say anything. He just looked at Tony and merely nodded.

He just wanted to slap himself. Why couldn´t he just be honest with Tony? Tony had told him that if he wanted to talk that he could always come to him.

But he couldn't. The urge to want to please Tony, so he wouldn't get mad at him, was bigger than his trust in Tony.

He felt sad that he just couldn't trust his best friend as much as he wanted to.

But he just couldn't.

Nick had also been his best friend.

Nick and he had been inseparable, when they were young. He'd trusted Nick with everything. Nick had known everything about him. About his problems with his dad. About the bullies at school. Nick had known everything. He would've never thought that Nick would want to hurt him. Even after _it_happened, he still didn't think that Nick would be that mad, and would want to hurt him so bad.

Nick had betrayed his trust and violated him so horribly. He didn't know if he could ever trust someone like he'd trusted Nick.

He knew that Tony would never do something bad to him. Tony was helping him.

He looked up to Tony. He didn't feel comfortable around anyone but Tony. He saw Tony as his big brother.

But still…

Somewhere in his mind he felt that he couldn't put all of his trust in Tony.

He felt that if he trusted Tony for a hundred percent it could have devastating results for him. Because if Tony _di__d _eventually hurt him, or leave him because he got tired of taking care of him, he wouldn't be hurt so bad as with Nick. Because he would've seen it coming.

That's why he couldn't trust Tony completely.

It was to protect himself. To keep himself from being hurt.

"Tim?"

Tim suddenly was pulled out of his thoughts. He looked up at Tony.

He must've been so caught up in his thoughts that he hadn't notice Tony looking at him with a very concerned look on his face.

"You sure you're okay with going after breakfast? You still look tired. Get a couple more hours of sleep. We'll go after you wake up."

"No, I'm okay," Tim said, trying to sound normal, but failing miserably with the lump forming his throat.

"You sure?"

"Yeah, … I'm sure."

"Okay," Tony said, not looking very convinced.

"I'll go and see if Gibbs has anything besides coffee in his kitchen, so we can eat," Tony said, walking away to the kitchen.

Tim stayed sitting on the couch, watching Tony walk away.

He really didn't want to go.

xXxXxXxXxXx

After eating breakfast and showering they went to the psychiatrist.

They were now standing in front of the building.

"Well, this is it. C'mon let's go inside," Tony said, starting to walk towards the entrance.

Tim felt like he was frozen in place. He couldn't move. His feet seemed glued to the ground.

"Tim. C'mon. You can do this," Tony said, noticing that Tim wasn't following him.

"I'll be there with you."

Despite the comforting words, Tim was still frozen in his spot.

He was still too scared to move.

Tony looked at Tim and saw that Tim wasn't going to move anytime soon, so he stuck out his hand and grabbed Tim's and slowly started pulling Tim with him towards the entrance.

That made Tim finally start moving.

Neither of them commented on the fact that Tony had to hold Tim's hand to get him to walk into the building.

When they walked inside, they saw a woman sitting behind a desk. She looked in her mid to late fifty's. Her hair was a mix of gray and black hair. She had a friendly smile on her face when she saw them walking through the door

Suddenly Tim had an awkward feeling. The woman looked familiar.

He didn't know why, but he felt like he already knew her.

"Good morning," she greeted them, smiling.

"What can I do for you?"

When Tim's voice seemed to be failing him, Tony answered her.

"Good morning, we would like to set up an appointment for Timothy McGee."

"Okay," she said, starting to type on her computer, "If you'll just fill this information sheet out for me, I'll see what we can do."

Tony nodded, and led Tim over to the chairs in the waiting room. After filling the sheet out, they returned to the desk and handed the sheet back to the receptionist.

"Okay," she said, typing some more in her computer, "I can set up an appointment for you, tomorrow afternoon at two o'clock. Does that work for you?"

She looked at Tim.

Tim felt like he couldn't get his voice to work, so he just nodded again.

"Okay," she said, typing some more.

"Mr. Wiedemann is in his office right now. I'll call him to come here so you can meet each other, so you can be more comfortable in tomorrow's session. So you won't feel like you're talking to a total stranger."

She picked up a phone and pressed the intercom button.

While she was talking with the doctor Tim still had a weird feeling that he knew the woman.

Maybe he'd already met her somewhere?

His thoughts were interrupted when she started talking to them again.

"He'll be here in a minute," she said.

Tim looked at Tony, feeling really nervous.

Tony smiled reassuringly back at him and gave his hand a reassuring squeeze.

Suddenly they heard a door open, behind them.

"Good morning Dr. Wiedemann," the woman smiled.

"Good morning Sarah, gentlemen," they heard Dr. Wiedemann say.

Tony smiled and turned around.

But Tim did anything but smile when he heard that voice. His eyes went wide in horror.

That voice. He knew that voice. He quickly turned around to look at the Dr.

When he saw him, all the blood drained from his face. He felt a shiver run through his body and his hand tightened around Tony's hand in horror.

Because he was looking at the smiling face of Nick.


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N Thank you all so much for the reviews, alerts and favorits! :)**

**They truly make my day! **

**I'm very sorry for keeping you all waiting so long. I had this chapter ready for some time, but everytime I read it, I would change it a bit, to make it better. I changed sooo much! **

**I started out with a chapter that was about 2000 words long. After all the changes I did, this chapter is now almost 3000 words. **

**Thank you so much for my BETA-reader datura070! :) I don't know what I would've done without you beta-ing this story. :)**

****I hope this chapter lives up to everybody's expectations! ****

**Disclaimer: I don't own NCIS... bla, bla, bla. :P**

* * *

><p>Chapter 12<p>

Tim looked at Nick with horror in his eyes. He looked different. He seemed to have dyed his previously brown hair black, he was wearing glasses, and he'd grown a beard and mustache. That, combined with the neat clothes he was wearing, almost made him unrecognizable.

But Tim immediately knew it was Nick.

He looked at Nick's eyes. He could recognize those eyes everywhere.

He felt himself start shaking with fear.

What was going on? Why was Nick pretending to be some psychiatrist?

He took a step backwards, not knowing what Nick was planning to do.

When Nick kept standing in place looking at him and Tony with a smile, he felt the panic start rising.

With his gaze glued to Nick, he took a another step backwards while mumbling: "no, no, no,...," in fear.

He could hear Tony saying something to him, but because he was so fixated on Nick, he didn't really recognize what Tony was saying.

His hand was still clutched in Tony's hand.

Suddenly, Nick took a step towards him.

To someone who didn't know Nick like Tim did, Nick almost looked actually concerned. But Tim could see the hidden smirk behind his seemingly concerned face.

Nick wasn't concerned, he was only pretending to be so he wouldn't look suspicious in front of Tony.

"Are you okay, sir?" Nick asked, taking another step forward.

Nick was now only a few feet away from Tim, which made him panic even more.

He took a few more steps backwards, pulling Tony with him. His breathing slowly but surely becoming faster and faster.

He could still hear Tony saying something, but he still didn't really recognize what he was saying.

Finally Tim couldn't take it anymore.

He let go of Tony's hand, turned around, and quickly ran away.

He didn't know where exactly he was going. The only thing that mattered to him was getting as far away from Nick as possible.

He could now hear Tony calling his name. Telling him to stop.

But he didn't. He kept running. He needed to get away.

He ran through a hallway and saw a door. He didn't question where the door would lead him to, he just quickly ran inside.

When he was inside, he quickly closed the door and leaned against it, trying to get his breathing under control.

He slowly slid down the door to the ground, still leaning against the door, and wrapped his arms around his knees.

Suddenly the door opened a little, but because he was leaning against it, it could only open a little bit.

Thinking that it was Nick trying to open the door, he panicked and started pushing against the door.

"Tim?" he suddenly heard.

He recognized the voice as Tony's.

He relaxed a little, now knowing that it wasn't Nick who was trying to get the door to open.

"Tim, could you let me in?" he heard Tony ask.

For a split second he thought that Tony might be mad at him because he ran away. But this time his trust won out against his fears and he leaned forward so Tony could open the door and slip in.

When Tony was inside he quickly leaned back against the door, scared that Nick might've followed Tony.

Tony sat down next to Tim on the floor.

After a few moments, Tony broke the silence.

"Are you okay?" Tony asked softly.

Tim stared down at his knees and nodded.

"What happened?" Tony asked. "Why'd you panic so much?"

Tim opened his mouth to tell Tony that it was Nick and that they should call the team to come and arrest Nick, but suddenly he felt conflicted.

He wanted to tell Tony, so Tony could help him. But telling Tony also meant that he was again dragging Tony with him into a mess he started.

So he closed his mouth and gazed down at his knees, thinking about what he should tell Tony.

He felt like there were two different voices in his head, fighting over what he should do.

*Tell him!* the first voice said.

*Don't you see how concerned Tony looks? He wants to help you! Just tell him that that's Nick and he'll keep him away from you!*

But the other voice quickly started talking in his head too.

*Of course not! Why would Tony want to help you? You're the one who started this in the first place. Stop asking Tony to help you with everything! You can't do anything on your own, can you? You're pathetic. Besides, why would you even tell Tony that it's Nick? Nick shouldn't get in trouble for something you've caused. You're the one who got him kidnapped in the first place. You deserved everything he did to you. You're the one who should go to jail. I bet that if you told Tony what you did, all those years ago, that he would hate you. He'd be disgusted by what you had done. You're the one causing all this trouble. Don't try to blame it on Nick!*

Tim suddenly saw a drop landing on his knee.

He brought his hand up to his face and noticed the wet tracks that were on his cheeks.

Tears of frustration of not knowing what to do had gone unnoticed as they started streaming down his face.

He knew that the second voice was right. He couldn't tell Tony that that was Nick. This was all his fault and not Nick's.

But he was so scared. How could he not tell Tony?

"Tim?" Tony interrupted him out of his thoughts.

"Talk to me. What did just happen?"

"Nothing," Tim replied with a soft voice.

"That was not nothing," Tony said.

Tim knew that Tony was not going to let this go. He knew that something was up. He wasn't getting out of this unless he said something.

He needed to make a decision on what to do.

He looked at Tony. He tried searching for anger or resentfulness in Tony's eyes, but he couldn't find any. The only thing he saw was honest concern.

Tony really wanted to help him.

*Yeah of course he's not mad now,* started the second voice again.

*He doesn't know what you've done yet. You think he'll still want to help you after he finds out? And don't think he won't find out. He'll find out the minute you try to explain to him why Nick is so mad at you.*

Tim now knew what to do. He really couldn't tell Tony. Even though it felt selfish not to tell Tony, he really didn't want to lose him.

He kept his gaze towards his knees, knowing that he wouldn't be able to lie to Tony while looking at his face.

"I.. I..," he started softly, quickly trying to think of an excuse.

"I.. uh had a flashback..?" he said, while wiping the tears away.

He winced at the clear doubt in his voice.

"Tim…," Tony started, but was interrupted when there was a knock on the door.

Tim froze in his place, knowing immediately who it was.

"Is everything okay in there?" they heard Nick, in a seemingly concerned voice, ask.

Tim quickly pushed himself even firmer against the door, in fear that Nick would try to come in.

"No, no, no,…" Tim started in fear.

He started shaking in fear again.

"Is it Dr. Wiedemann? Tony asked, sounding very concerned, "I don't understand. Are you afraid of him?"

Tim slowly lifted his head and looked up at Tony and saw the honest confusion on his face. He felt guilty for making Tony so confused, but he knew that he just couldn't tell him.

"Do you need me to come in and help?" they heard Nick ask.

That's when Tim just freaked.

"No, no, no!" he yelled.

For the first time he noticed that he and Tony were in a toilet. In front of them were a couple of toilet stalls.

He quickly stood up and ran into one of the toilet stalls. With shaky hand he quickly locked the door and sat down on the toilet, trying to get his breathing under control.

"Tim? What are you doing? You're really scaring me here," he heard Tony say.

"N-noting, I just didn't uhm… I needed to go," he said, still sounding a bit shaky.

"That's-" Tony started, but was interrupted when suddenly the sound of the door to the toilet was heard opening.

"Dr. Wiedemann," he heard Tony say.

"Gentlemen, is everything okay?" he heard Nick ask.

"Yeah, we're fine. Could you just give us a minute?" Tony asked.

"Of course," Nick said.

When he heard the door of the toilets close, Tim let go of a breath he didn't even know he had been holding.

"Tim, please open the door," Tony asked, "You know I can't help you like this."

Tim knew that Tony was right. Besides, he couldn't stay in there forever.

He needed to get out and somehow get Tony to understand that he didn't want this psychiatrist without revealing too much.

He slowly stood up, flushed the toilet so Tony wouldn't know that he was lying, and opened the door. He stepped out of the stall and took a quick glance at the door which Nick had just walked through.

He knew that if they were going to walk out of the building to Tony's car that they would have to walk past Nick again.

That thought made him shiver in fear again.

He looked at Tony and saw that Tony was still just as confused as he was a few minutes ago.

Tony also seemed to be standing a bit awkwardly. Like he didn't really know what to do.

Tim felt pang of guilt go through him, knowing that he was the cause of all that.

Tony wanted to help him, but he just wasn't letting him.

He wasn't being honest with Tony about everything, which made it really hard for Tony to know how to help him.

But even though he felt guilty about doing that, he still was determined not to tell Tony about Nick. No matter how selfish it might sound, he just didn't want to lose Tony's friendship.

"Are you okay?" Tony asked again.

"Yeah,… uhm.. s-sure."

Tim wanted to kick himself for sounding so shaky.

"Tim, c'mon, What's going on? Is it the Doctor? I mean… if you don't feel comfortable with him, we can search for a different one."

Tim sighed in relief. Tony had understood what he wanted, without him even saying it.

"Yeah… I don't feel… uhm… comfortable with him," he replied.

"Why didn't you just say so? We'll just go and tell them that we've changed our mind," Tony said, looking relieved that he finally knew what to do.

"C'mon," he said, walking towards the door.

Tim froze. He knew that Nick would probably still be standing outside that door.

But Nick couldn't do anything to him, right? Tony was with him. Nick wouldn't try anything with Tony around.

He slowly walked over to Tony, who was now waiting for him next to the door.

Together they walked out of the toilets.

Just like Tim thought, Nick was waiting for them outside of the toilets.

"Is everything okay?" Nick asked when he saw them walk out.

Tim didn't know how to answer that, but luckily Tony picked up on his discomfort and answered for him.

"Everything's fine. We've just changed our minds. We would like to search for another psychiatrist. This isn't what we want."

For a second there was a flash of anger in Nicks eyes, but he quickly composed himself and with a smile on his face replied, "Well that's a shame. If you don't mind my asking, is there a reason this isn't what you want?"

"It's just not what we're looking for," Tony replied.

Tim saw Nick's hand clenching and unclenching at his side, probably trying to keep himself from lashing out in anger at them.

"If that's what you really want, I'll go tell Miss Griggs to cancel the appointment."

"Thank you," Tony replied.

Together they walked back to the entrance of the building. Tony and Tim were walking behind Nick.

When they arrived at the entrance, Nick walked over to Miss Griggs, who was still sitting behind her desk, to tell her to cancel their appointment.

Tim looked closely at her, still wondering why she seemed vaguely familiar.

And that's when it finally hit him.

The reason why she seemed so familiar was because he had known her.

She was Nick's mother.

He didn't know why he didn't recognize her earlier.

Maybe because he hadn't expected to see her.

Because the last time he'd seen her was twenty years ago.

She didn't look like she'd changed much.

She looked older, obviously, but other than that she looked the same as she'd always looked.

He wondered why she hadn't tried to change her appearance like Nick.

He figured it probably was because she'd thought that he didn't remember her.

When he and Nick had been friends, they would always try to avoid his mom.

It was because she had hated him. He didn't know why, but from the moment he had met her, she'd hated him. She had been quick to tell him that she didn't want him in her house.

Tim never understood why, but he guessed that some people just aren't nice. They don't always have a reason.

Tim was brought out of his thoughts, when Tony suddenly told him that their appointment was cancelled and that they were good to go.

When they arrived home, Tim, tired from the day's events, walked over to his shared guest-bedroom with Tony.

After everything that happened that day, the only thing he wanted to do was lie down and rest a bit.

He didn't want to sleep, he just wanted to lie down a bit.

He was still afraid of nightmares, and he wasn't about to ask Tony to lie down with him because he was afraid.

Just when he was going to lie down, Tony walked into the room.

"You're going to sleep?" he asked.

"No, I'm just going to lie down a bit," he replied.

"Oh, okay," Tony replied.

Tony stayed standing in the doorway, seeming conflicted about walking away or saying something more.

After a few moments of silence, Tim decided to ask Tony if there was something wrong, but that was when Tony started talking.

"I just wanted to say that… whatever happened back there… you can always talk to me about it. You know that, right?"

Tim cringed, knowing that Tony didn't buy his story about having a flashback.

"Yeah, I know," Tim replied.

Tim guiltily lowered his gaze to his feet, feeling guilty about lying to Tony. But he knew that he just couldn't tell Tony anything. It had to stay a secret.

"Okay. I'll come get you when Gibbs is home. He said he was picking up some pizza on his way over here," Tony said with a smile, "I thought Gibbs only lived on steaks and coffee. Guess I was wrong."

Although Tony was smiling and even attempting at some humor, Tim could see the disappointment in his eyes.

Tim bit his lip and nodded an okay to Tony before turning around to climb into the bed.

"Oh, wait!" Tony suddenly said.

"I forgot something. Dr. Wiedemann gave me something for you. I'll go get it."

And with that Tony walked out of the room.

Tim felt his heartbeat start speeding up.

Nick gave him something? That can't be good.

But Tim quickly tried to calm himself. He didn't have reason to start panicking. He didn't even know what it was that Nick had given him.

Tony walked back inside the room, holding up a big brown envelope.

"He said that this was some information and tips for you. He said he felt bad that you didn't feel comfortable with him, so he gave me this so you could read it."

Tony stuck out his hand offering Tim the envelope.

Tim hesitated a moment before carefully picking up the envelope from Tony's hand.

"Thanks," Tim said.

Tony smiled at Tim before walking out of the room again.

Tim stared at the envelope in his hands.

Did he want to open this?

He felt conflicted.

He didn't want to open the envelope, scared about the contents of it. But on the other hand, he didn't really know why he should be afraid. It's not like that there could be a bomb in it.

Right?

Tim shook his head. He was starting to get paranoid.

He decided to just open the letter before his paranoid thoughts got the best of him.

He ripped open the top of the envelope and carefully pulled out the paper that was inside the envelope.

He started reading what was on the paper.

You didn't think you could get rid of me that easily?

Suddenly Tim remembered why he should've been afraid of the contents of the envelope. Because he when he pulled out the other papers in the envelope and saw what was on them, his eyes widened his horror and he felt his heart almost skip a beat.


End file.
